Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

I'm loosing myself, HELP...

Posted In: Mental conditions 10 Replies
  • Posted By: pepamia305
  • October 16, 2007
  • 10:59 PM

Hello to anyone who reads this. I'm on here because frankly, I have no one to talk to about the way I've been feeling for the majority of my teenage life. I'm about to be twenty years old and I can honestly say that I absolutely get no enjoyment out of anything that I do. Its like my entire life is one big lie. People all around me think i'm so lively and energetic but the reality is, its all a front.

Its so hard pretending to be happy and I don't know why i'm not. If i go out with my friends, I can only keep up the act of being happy for so long before I start to withdrawl and want to be left alone. If i'm at work I have to go to the lockeroom and convince myself that i'm excited to be there but it never last. When there's family get togethers, its not long before I go and lock myself in my room to get away from everybody. Relationships are hard for me and never last because I don't want the person i'm involved with to realize how empty I am as a person so I push them away.

Even as I write this now, all I feel is emptiness. My mother says its a phase but the truth is i've felt this way for a long time. I'm also obsessed with the way I look. I'm constantly looking in the mirror and thinking about how I look. No matter how much time I spend dressing up and trying to make myself look pretty, I always feel ugly. My mother use to say when we argued, "that i'm just a pretty face but i'm nasty inside". I guess thats because a majority of the time i'm angry, sarcastic, pessimistic and antisocial.

I have a lot of family that love me, friends that try to make me happy, and guys that like me but for some reason it doesn't matter. My heart always feels numb and dull. I get no pleasure out of life and I don't even know why I exist. I feel like I have no purpose in life and i'm dying inside. I've tried to tell people I know all of this but they never have a response. It becomes incredibly awkward so I just say nevermind, i'm just being dramatic.

I don't know how I got to this point in my life. I never use to be this way but I find myself giving in more and more to these feelings. I don't know what to do anymore to better myself. Is there anyone out there that can give me some good advice and constructive criticism?

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10 Replies:

  • I got to admit, that I feel the same way as you, or I think I do.I'm a really energetic person too. But for some reason, ever since I got out of High School, I hit that mark where I sometimes don't know what I am doing. I'm not a depressed person. I have a family that loves me, friends that care about me, but I just feel numb sometimes to wonder why my mind doesn't comprehend that. I am looking for any constructive criticism or help to this too. I really want this to go away.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • October 17, 2007
    • 00:11 AM
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  • it is futile(as you have discovered)to try to be happy.instead,try to be useful.if you work hard enough at this,happiness may well sneak up on you.you may not realise it until afterwards,when in retrospect you realise that while absorbed in the real work of the world(in one form or another,helping those less fortunate than you,which for americans ,means practically everybody.)you forgot yourself and your petty wishes for yourself.if you have no skill to offer,then train,but always with the intention to help.look at your previous life as an experiment in which you tried in every way to please yourself.didnt work out ,did it?so go and do the opposite for twenty years or so.cant get worse,can it?think yourself lucky that your "results" have come in while you still have time to reorientate your life.most people who make your mistake do not realise where they have gone wrong until it is far too late.get hold of a short story be oscar wilde,called "the happy prince"(it is very short indeed,otherwise i would not suggest it to you.)you will find it in any good collected edition of wildes works.he will teach you how to be happy.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • October 17, 2007
    • 08:22 PM
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  • hi pep it sounds as if ur depressed, i have had similar feelings to urs not knowing where to go, having been depressed for years i can familiarise.i suggest u go to c ur doctor and talk about how ur feeling and maybe c a councellor to try and work out whats making u feel like this.good luck.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • November 13, 2007
    • 08:54 PM
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  • I'm not a psychiatrist, however, I would certainly say that you are depressed. Please understand and know that depression can be overcome, in most cases, with medication. Don't let your friends and others try and talk you out of it. I am glad I listened and took my antidepressant when I was in my 30's and my outlook was 100X better and I did not have all the sad and emotional moments I endured in my teens and 20's. Fact is, I wish they would have diagnosed me back then. it would have saved many many frustrating and sad times for me. It sounds to me when you see and view yourself that you have TOO high of expectations on how you feel you should look and be. Please know that society puts so much pressure on young folks and with all the "movie stars" and magazine ads...this compounds the feeling of inadequacy. Not too mention there are so many people running for plastic surgery that they actually glorify it and make tv shows out it! Don't fall for all that. Beauty is in your smile, your eyes when you laugh and the caring ways you are to others. Beauty is in keeping yourself clean and teeth brushed and pampering yourself with a manicure every once in awhile. You should also know that nobody will EVER see you the way you see yourself. You always look much better to others than what you are judging on yourself in the mirror. You'll find times in your life that you will see a photo of yourself and you will hide it for fear if anyone see's it you would be embarassed on how "ugly" you look. Then in about 10 years you will come across that same photo and say "darn! I didn't look that bad after all!"........again, it's that your putting too high of expectations on yourself. Nobody else is judging you. Your friends like you for your personality, your laugh and your aura...not because you may be beautiful, "hot" or attractive. There are many beautiful woman who have no personality and are plain ol' mean. Be happy of who you are. One of the best ways to like yourself better is to do for others. Live your life as "do unto others as you would like done". You'll never go wrong. Stop and smell the roses. Pity the children on dialysis...or in the chemo wards. Talk with the ederly and bring smiles to strangers in the grocery store. Life is too short. In the meantime, the deep feelings of "not belonging" and/or of feeling "out of place" or alone is depression and please tell your OB/GYN or family doctor. They can start you off on an antidepressant. If you believe you are entering a non functioning or suicidal state you will need to see a psychiatrist to get to the root of the problem. Only YOU can help yourself right now. You can do it. Life is too good to feel so low when there are possible cures. Remember, your brain lacks the proper chemicals to avoid depression....antideprassants add the chemical to your brain that it is lacking or not producing to give you an even balance. That is the purpose of antidepressants. Don't wait so long like I did...just because I was "scared" of "medication". Take care, hugs and keep me posted.
    Mrs_Potato 23 Replies
    • November 13, 2007
    • 10:44 PM
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  • I want to second the depression answer. I don't think that depression is the bottom cause, but I think your low self esteem is leading you into depression, because you can't find a way out. When you think dark thoughts your life becomes dark. That is a known fact. Reading your post I couldn't help feeling that you are punishing yourself by not letting yourself be happy with who you are. You say that you don't know how you got to this point of your life, and sweetheart, that doesn't matter at all. The good part is that you know that something is wrong and you also know that you need help. Your posting here is a cry for help, and it seems to me that you just don't know where to find it. I am sorry to tell you that I have NO easy solution to your problem, but I do know how you can help yourself out of it. You may need to do some stuff that you don't want to, and it might night be an overnight solution, but you will get better. First of all you need to go to your GP and be honest with him. If that means printing out what you wrote down in your post, then do that. Ask to be reffered to a psychiatrist. When you see your psychiatrist, DO NOT hide any of your feelings. Let this be the place that you can let all your guards down. A place where any feeling you have will be safe. If the therapist thinks you need meds for a while to get you through the tough part, then use them. After a while life will be easier, and you will be able to deal with what you feel instead of having your feelings take over your life. Please take the advice of the last poster along with mine. Do not wait until you are older - Get your life on track now, while you are young. You sound like a beautiful girl with a good head on her shoulders. Use that head to help yourself out. Life can be so great if you only let it! (((Hugs))) Kiera
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • November 14, 2007
    • 07:23 AM
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  • I have had a somewhat different experience with medication. Last year I had a major depressive episode, one of many I have had but the first time I ever got help for it. I started on Zoloft and now supplement it with Wellbutrin and Buspar. Unfortunately, I can't say that they staved off depression for good. It seemed to work wonders for awhile, but here I am again, at the lip of a bottomles pit and slowly sinking back in. Uncontrollable crying, feelings of worthlessness, seeing every available object as a potential instrument of death, social withdrawal, paranoia, etc. The one thing I hold onto is the memory of making it through before. That is enough.
    popolop 1 Replies
    • November 18, 2007
    • 08:41 PM
    • 0
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  • You sound like someone who is extremely self-concious. I felt similar to you in many ways except i only look average so it was even worse. I didnt get depressed over it though. Here is my advice, go to the gym and do lots of cardio, talk to a psycholigist(DO NOT stop the sessions even if your sure your wasting your time, like i was ), and if you are depressed you have two options:Excersise as much as possible and eat fruits,vegetables and healthy, have lots of sex, along with tons of other things that will help your depressionthat you can look up on the internet, or if its too bad take anti-depressants there is absolutely nothing wrong with that(i recommend cipralex lexapro to try first since they have almost no side effects). If i tell you im not able to be myself wich was my problem i assume you have a similar problem, all related to self-concioussness. Extreme self-conciousness can become a disease especially for a girl,since they are often more insecure.Talking to a therapist is the #1 most important thing you can do i guarantee it, its the first step go and take it! :) I really wish you the best of luck, you have hard times ahead of you but keep fighting and dont give up! You WILL feel amazing just try what ive said, your 20 years old im 18 almost 19... dont lose the rest of your life pretending to be somebody your not.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • November 19, 2007
    • 09:41 PM
    • 0
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  • I have had a somewhat different experience with medication. Last year I had a major depressive episode, one of many I have had but the first time I ever got help for it. I started on Zoloft and now supplement it with Wellbutrin and Buspar. Unfortunately, I can't say that they staved off depression for good. It seemed to work wonders for awhile, but here I am again, at the lip of a bottomles pit and slowly sinking back in. Uncontrollable crying, feelings of worthlessness, seeing every available object as a potential instrument of death, social withdrawal, paranoia, etc. The one thing I hold onto is the memory of making it through before. That is enough. Hi Pop, I sure hope you're not trying to go at this all on your own? Do you have loved ones that understand what you're going through? Have you sought the help of a psychologist, as well? Yes the depression is awful and I certainly understand you. I think one of the hardest parts is being in the actual "state" when it hits you. Have you thought about eliminating one of the medications? (Wellbutrin for example) and trying the daily zoloft and have ativan added as an "as needed" basis? In other words, not so many medications all the time and only take the ativan when you're in the state of major anxiety/depression? My best to you and I will pray for your well health, as well. Take care.
    Mrs_Potato 23 Replies
    • November 20, 2007
    • 00:00 AM
    • 0
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  • Try going to clown school. I hear there is a great one in Florida. Now doesn't that sound like fun???? I think you need a change.
    Monsterlove 2921 Replies
    • November 29, 2007
    • 08:04 AM
    • 0
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  • short of clown school, you could try some of these products: http://www.integrativepsychiatry.net/index.html check out the products...
    Monsterlove 2921 Replies
    • November 29, 2007
    • 08:21 AM
    • 0
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