i'm going to attempt to write a short bio describing various symptoms i've experienced since the age of three. i've seen multiple therapists, doctors, and one psychologist and have yet to receive any concrete diagnoses.
1) since the age of three, i have struggled with dermatophagia. a supposed form of OCD where an individual impulsively/obsessively picks and bites at their skin. while i have learned to control my nail biting and finger biting (i used to bit the skin of my fingers until they bled and i couldn't bend them), i now take all of my anxiety/fidgety demeanor out on my feet. i bite and rip the skin off the heels, ball, and toes of my feet. at times, i even use a nail clipper so i can get off more skin. i cannot sit still without biting/picking at my feet whether that be while watching a movie or going on a car ride.
2) i am an alcoholic. i do most of my drinking alone.
3) i lack the ability to stay in one place for very long. in college, i would take 2-4 car trips each day through the city - smoking cigarettes and listening to music. i couldn't just sit and do my homework, i had to constantly be moving around.
4) i have social anxiety. i have always had tendencies to seclude myself from others. i am terrible at maintaining long-lasting relationships. it takes a lot of effort for me to keep my cell phone charged, answer texts, and listen to voicemails. if i do place myself in social situations, i quickly feel the urge to remove myself. i develop this nervous state, most every time, where i feel as if people are falling on my every word and action. i understand that it's me that's doing the over-analyzing, but i can't shake the anxiety. i also avoid people because i fear that i am terribly boring, that i won't have anything to offer them in our time together and that they won't have a good time with me. my new therapist says my running away is a form of agoraphobia. despite these named anxieties, i love strangers. i feel little to no nervousness of low self-esteem around people i don't know and who know don't really know me. for this reason, i'm known for wandering places alone, drinking at places alone, etc.
5) i often feel as if i am above laws and authority; that i won't get caught or that it is “okay” for me to break certain rules.
6) i've struggled with sexual promiscuity since the age of 16. I'm 22 and have had 22 sexual partners.
7) i have a lot of trouble accepting any sort of criticism, constructive or not.
this is what i can think to share right now. sorry for such a long post…
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