Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

Help Me

Posted In: Mental conditions 2 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • June 13, 2008
  • 07:06 PM

I think I need help.

I'll start at the beginning. When I was little my great-grandfather died (old age) and I was there, I wasn't supposed to look at him, but I did, I still can see him in my mind...

After that happened I became very paranoid, before that I had been a carefree happy child with lots of friends, but after I was scared of everything, I kept thinking I was going to die. I lost all my friends and kept to myself. I was always alone, and so so scared, I don't even think I can put it into words how terrifying my early childhood was for me.

To help me feel better my mom started me in sports. I was good, but kept to myself and everyone thought I was mean and stuck up because I was so quite. Which made me even more miserable, I thought something was horribly wrong with me, and became very depressed and insecure.

I met a girl then who became my best friend. I think she really hurt me emotionally. She would always tell me what a bad person I was and how I couldn't do anything right. She then would tell me how I should act and when I acted the way she wanted she would complain and tell me I was just like her brothers (who she couldn't stand). Later I developed a crush on her older brother and she used that against me...

She was one of the reasons I became an anorexic for a time.

Anyway, we finally stopped being friends (after a long long time), her choice, I still remember feeling like I got the wind knocked out of me. I thought I never would recover.

A year later I sorta fell for a guy, and I think he liked me back, matter a fact, I know he did. But I screwed up and became really cold towards him, I didn't mean too, I hated myself for it after I did everything I did. Soon I stopped seeing him, and I became suicidal afterwards. The only thing that kept me from killing myself was my parents.

I then ran into a guy who I used to have a crush on. We flirted a little bit and then he began to ask me about myself and I told him a lot of things I shouldn't have and started crying. He tried to comfort me, but then we I tried to call him later he never called me back. Guess I freaked him out, a lot.

Also, I've never had a boyfriend, I really want true love, but whenever a guy likes me I freak and act so mean to him I send him running. I hate myself for that, but I can't seem to stop.

At present, I'm depressed again, my anorexia has returned, I'm angry and lying all the time, I feel numb, and I'm flunking school. I want to change deep down, but I can't seem to. I need help.

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2 Replies:

  • Admitting you need help is fantastic, it really is. I am not sure how far you can be helped on a website though, with the amount of trauma you have seen, I think you should talk to your doctor. It will be hard, perhaps you could print this off and show it to him, to let him know exactly how you feel? I know it is easier to type your problems than to say them, so this would be a good way of starting to get better. No one can advise you what the best course of action is for you, personally I have found that a combination of anti-depressants and many years of counselling is helping me.I wish you all the best, and, despite the fact I don't know you, I am really proud of you, that you have admitted you need help. It is one of the hardest things you will ever do.Best of luck, Selene
    selene 1 Replies Flag this Response
  • You definitely need therapy of some sort: I believe you may have been suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD: See Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on pages 33 - 34, and examine the http://1-800-therapist.com/ website, and use the locators in sections 33 - 34, and section 1, and phone book, and/or various associations for psychiatrists and psychologists, to find the nearest one using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy). If unable to afford it, or to locate one nearby, contact the county/local mental health agency: any therapy on offer may prove helpful, particularly if combined with appropriate medication. (The following is a variant of EMDR therapy, which has been used successfully for those people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, insomnia, and anxiety: it is easily learned, quick to use, yet can be very effective. It is easy to be dismissive of it, because it may seem a little strange, but is well worth trying, for at least a few weeks, to see how it effective it is in your case). First, sit comfortably, and take a deep breath. Then, without moving your head, move your eyes from the left, to the right, and back again, taking around a second to do so (say: "a thousand and one": this takes approximately a second).Repeat this procedure (without the words, although you can count, subvocally if you like) 20 times. Then close your eyes and relax. Become aware of any tension or discomfort you feel. Then open your eyes, and take another deep breath, and repeat step one, closing your eyes, and relaxing afterwards, in the same manner. Then, repeat the procedure one last time. Some people may find that this is all they need do: others find that they need 2 sessions in quick succession, but professional treatment is the best option, if you can access it. With practice, you may find that you can employ this technique with your eyes closed, thereby enabling a much wider window of opportunity to use in public, without attracting unwanted attention.Professional EMDR is always much preferable, and Opester, (who gives it a glowing recommendation) a therapist with more than 20 years experience, stated that it was one of only 2 disorders which can be completely cured. Depression, (see page R first, then female depression, teen depression, & page V) anorexia, and anger management (view page C first) are addressed in sections 2, 44, and 4, respectively, at ezy build.
    shaneris 46 Replies Flag this Response
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