I am 38 and feel like I have no control of my life:
Have never held a job longer than 3 months
Cant figure out who I am, what my beliefs are, they change hourly
cant focus and sometimes have no motivation at all
other times i hyperfocus and act like I have ocd with my car, home, body, etc
Every evening I feel guilt and sit down and write out what I need to do to change, this is when I have "big ideas" inventions, etc.
I have an extreme temper, mentally abusive and generally a miserable person
some days I have like euphoria and just want to hug people (i dont)
some days I have this deep sadness for mankind like pity, like life is meaningless and nothing but pain
as I write this I kind of watch myself from out of my body
sometimes I get real hot and sweat for no reason
I dont feel complete , meaning I feel disconnected and know something is wrong with me
my mind never shuts off, my energy sometimes is so high I can knock out like 10 things at once, other times nothing
I have a list of to dos for my life, my kids, house needs (for each room), etc
I do some things but other things have been on my list for 7 years, as much as I want to do them and as much as I know I need to work to help my family out I dont, I do all the plans look for jobs, interview etc but never follow through, I have been looking for a job for 3 years now.
any ideas...adhd or bipolar I am thinking
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