Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

gotta control everyone, even when and how often people stop by.

Posted In: Mental conditions 1 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • January 31, 2010
  • 06:55 AM

People really make me paranoid. I'm diagnosed bipolar and have an anxiety disorder and chronic pain issues. I have a huge deal with people stopping by my house without calling first. Unexpected is uninvited, and uninvited is just unacceptable. I have seemed to always only want the company of others on my terms most of my life though. I am almost 50 now, have chronic pain, and sleep so erratically that people stopping in at their convenience just sucks for my life and just the thought of it gives me great anxiety. I've found that i'm getting to be this weird grumpy old guy who has no friends because i'm sooo rigid about this boundary that i get rude with people trying to just be assertive. I live way out in the country, it's like 70 mile roundtrip just to go shopping for groceries. Still when i'm home a lot of times i hang the cable across my driveway so people won't stop in and see me unannounced.
Is this too strange or just a typical behavour of someone bipolar with anxiety and daily chronic pain issues?????
I'm married so my behaviors and lifestyle choices effect my wife's, she cannot have any of her friends just drop in at random because of me and that must suck for her. I try and try but i just can't do people. I always tell her, when you met me 20 years ago you full well knew i was very very reclusive at home, when i went out i went out but home was always my cave or safe place from people and you always are free to visit whomever you want, just please do it at their house. I'm not one to entertain unless it's planned way in advance and i or we can really prepare. My folks own the house we live in and we rent it from them. There is a guest cabin on the property where they stay when they visit. My Dad will call and announce, "commin up tomorrow" and it just makes me absolutely angry, nervous, and filled with anxiety that i have like 18 hours or less notice that were going to have guest although family and all without ample prior notice. I feel infringed upon. Had i of known it would of been like this i would have never decided to rent here from them just over the calling and coming up with so little notice thing. Don't get me wrong i absolutely love my folks, it's just with parents maybe you feel things should be in order like all vacuumed, cleaned etc and they always push me and my wife in a corner with all of that never asking are you up to visitors, more stating we'll be up like it of not. My neighbors i had last year moved but i wrapped a chain around the gate to our yard and locked it over their not respecting my space. I was assertive and said we may be neighbors but please always extend us the courtesy of a call before stopping up and they flicked it off over and over. I'n the end it was their behavior that instigated me locking the gate and i got made out to be the bad guy as usual.

Anyway are others like this, and am I wrong for being and asserting who i am? All i ask really is prior warning or preparation time for people so i have a choice is that so wrong? People have me anymore feeling like i'm the bad guy just for asserting my want's and needs in a nice and calm manor and i don't get that. If someone said please Dan before you ever stop by to visit up please please call always i'd never have an issue with it, why others do with me is beyond me ....Grrrrrr

Ok thanks all, and anyone who could share advise or similar experiences i'd really appreciate it. I need a little afirming that it's ok to be assertive with others and just be a private person, I never ask in a real rude or demeaning way, why the outcome is so poor i'll never know.
Thanks again, Dan

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  • People really make me paranoid. I'm diagnosed bipolar and have an anxiety disorder and chronic pain issues. I have a huge deal with people stopping by my house without calling first. Unexpected is uninvited, and uninvited is just unacceptable. I have seemed to always only want the company of others on my terms most of my life though. I am almost 50 now, have chronic pain, and sleep so erratically that people stopping in at their convenience just sucks for my life and just the thought of it gives me great anxiety. I've found that i'm getting to be this weird grumpy old guy who has no friends because i'm sooo rigid about this boundary that i get rude with people trying to just be assertive. I live way out in the country, it's like 70 mile roundtrip just to go shopping for groceries. Still when i'm home a lot of times i hang the cable across my driveway so people won't stop in and see me unannounced. Is this too strange or just a typical behavour of someone bipolar with anxiety and daily chronic pain issues????? I'm married so my behaviors and lifestyle choices effect my wife's, she cannot have any of her friends just drop in at random because of me and that must suck for her. I try and try but i just can't do people. I always tell her, when you met me 20 years ago you full well knew i was very very reclusive at home, when i went out i went out but home was always my cave or safe place from people and you always are free to visit whomever you want, just please do it at their house. I'm not one to entertain unless it's planned way in advance and i or we can really prepare. My folks own the house we live in and we rent it from them. There is a guest cabin on the property where they stay when they visit. My Dad will call and announce, "commin up tomorrow" and it just makes me absolutely angry, nervous, and filled with anxiety that i have like 18 hours or less notice that were going to have guest although family and all without ample prior notice. I feel infringed upon. Had i of known it would of been like this i would have never decided to rent here from them just over the calling and coming up with so little notice thing. Don't get me wrong i absolutely love my folks, it's just with parents maybe you feel things should be in order like all vacuumed, cleaned etc and they always push me and my wife in a corner with all of that never asking are you up to visitors, more stating we'll be up like it of not. My neighbors i had last year moved but i wrapped a chain around the gate to our yard and locked it over their not respecting my space. I was assertive and said we may be neighbors but please always extend us the courtesy of a call before stopping up and they flicked it off over and over. I'n the end it was their behavior that instigated me locking the gate and i got made out to be the bad guy as usual. Anyway are others like this, and am I wrong for being and asserting who i am? All i ask really is prior warning or preparation time for people so i have a choice is that so wrong? People have me anymore feeling like i'm the bad guy just for asserting my want's and needs in a nice and calm manor and i don't get that. If someone said please Dan before you ever stop by to visit up please please call always i'd never have an issue with it, why others do with me is beyond me ....GrrrrrrOk thanks all, and anyone who could share advise or similar experiences i'd really appreciate it. I need a little afirming that it's ok to be assertive with others and just be a private person, I never ask in a real rude or demeaning way, why the outcome is so poor i'll never know. Thanks again, DanI think it stems from you being so antisocial that people just dont get it and want to intrude in your space all the more because they are either trying to get you to like people by force, or maybe you werent always this way and you got worse as you got older and people dont get it, I dont want to say people are stupid but in my opinion people just dont get certain things. For instance, I dont feel a ***n thing, ever, for over 5 years now. No excitement, no anticipation, no enthusiasm, no love, no hate, no desire, no ***t, nothing. you get the idea. people still treat me like if i had all those things, they just dont f**king get that I have issues and that I am not normal like them but they still talk to me as if i was. I guess what im trying to say is that we/us people with mental/life/mind/soul disorders or whatever you want to label it as, are often misunderstood and our space is infringed upon or we're treated as if nothing was happening. Its disturbing.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 2, 2010
    • 09:11 PM
    • 0
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