Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

Girlfriend has PTSD

Posted In: Mental conditions 3 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • August 20, 2009
  • 04:03 PM

My girlfriend was abused as a child and is seeing a councellor, the councellor has said that she is suffering from PTSD, this manifests itself in "biological episodes" whereby she withdraws from herself and is unable to feel any emotion whatsover. She often invites me to come over but then asks me to leave shortly afterwards saying that she needs to be alone

She has said that she doesn't feel like she can ever be in a relationship as she cannot feel the "normal" relationship emotions. We communicate well and I make sure that she has space when she needs it, I really do care for her very much and want her to realise just how amazing she is ( she says that she does not know why I would want to be with her )

I want to help and support her but I want to make sure that I am doing this is the right way and not making inadvertant mistakes that might make her feel worse.

Any advice would be gratefully received
Many Thanks

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  • My girlfriend was abused as a child and is seeing a councellor, the councellor has said that she is suffering from PTSD, this manifests itself in "biological episodes" whereby she withdraws from herself and is unable to feel any emotion whatsover. She often invites me to come over but then asks me to leave shortly afterwards saying that she needs to be aloneShe has said that she doesn't feel like she can ever be in a relationship as she cannot feel the "normal" relationship emotions. We communicate well and I make sure that she has space when she needs it, I really do care for her very much and want her to realise just how amazing she is ( she says that she does not know why I would want to be with her ) I want to help and support her but I want to make sure that I am doing this is the right way and not making inadvertant mistakes that might make her feel worse.Any advice would be gratefully received Many ThanksThat sounds really hard for her- and for you.I would have to say, that although her problems may feel impossible, she is not a psychic. She is not able to see the future no more then you or I and as there are many examples of people recovering from PTSD and having very happy and "normal" (whatever normal is!) lives. It does take time but is do-able. She can get things better and can go on to have many relationships. If she feels things are impossible at the moment (and its not rare for people with PTSD to think things will never change-doesn't mean it wont though) you may need to accept that is where she is at right now and take a step back for a while. But that does not stop you from being a good friend, holding her hand when things get tough and being on the end of a phone. Thats a very useful and near essential thing to do when things get tough. Its a growing thing I think- to get through PTSD. You don't "get over it", you grow through it and learn from it. It changes you, you live differently so you can accept and move on. Its can be a while before you can feel able to face things, then voice them, then work in them, understand them and then learn from them so you can live with them- but in a different way- not living under them, living with them and living differently. Sorry if that sounds very cryptic- I hope it makes some sense somewhere. I just wanted to say that there is hope and things can and do change and people who have had PTSD can get though things to have very healthy relationships- as long as that is what they want.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • August 25, 2009
    • 00:09 AM
    • 0
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  • That sounds really hard for her- and for you.I would have to say, that although her problems may feel impossible, she is not a psychic. She is not able to see the future no more then you or I and as there are many examples of people recovering from PTSD and having very happy and "normal" (whatever normal is!) lives. It does take time but is do-able. She can get things better and can go on to have many relationships. If she feels things are impossible at the moment (and its not rare for people with PTSD to think things will never change-doesn't mean it wont though) you may need to accept that is where she is at right now and take a step back for a while. But that does not stop you from being a good friend, holding her hand when things get tough and being on the end of a phone. Thats a very useful and near essential thing to do when things get tough. Its a growing thing I think- to get through PTSD. You don't "get over it", you grow through it and learn from it. It changes you, you live differently so you can accept and move on. Its can be a while before you can feel able to face things, then voice them, then work in them, understand them and then learn from them so you can live with them- but in a different way- not living under them, living with them and living differently. Sorry if that sounds very cryptic- I hope it makes some sense somewhere. I just wanted to say that there is hope and things can and do change and people who have had PTSD can get though things to have very healthy relationships- as long as that is what they want.Thank you very much for taking the time to reply, it has been very helpful!!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • September 7, 2009
    • 04:12 PM
    • 0
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  • I know exactly how your girlfriend feels, and I'm sure my boyfriend feels the same way you do.:'( I have PTSD from bad childhood experiences as well.My boyfriend says that I'm the best person to be around when my PTSD isn't affecting my day. Sadly, that's really rarely. I absolutely hate myself, and the people around me on those days. I've tried to kill myself, many times, and have even tried to kill my boyfriend. I don't know why he's still with me- but I thank him for that for the things that he puts up with. I love him to death, but I can't always emotionally connect with him. I'm not sure about your girlfriend, but whenever my boyfriend brings up counciling I go nuts. Part of my bad experiences where when I was in therapy it gets me extremely depressed and *****d off when he talks about it. If she's willing to talk about it, then you should learn about her bad experiences- so that you're not going to do things that make her feel uncomfortable.What my boyfriend does, that makes me feel a whole much better are: - Hug her long and hard. Especially from behind, grabbing her from the waist. - Let her cry it out in you arms and tell her that she's safe with you. - Shower her with compliments and mean it. Women never get tired of compliments. - Hold her hand, when you're out walking. - Give her a passionate quiet kiss. - Tell her she is the reason that you live, and that you can't live without her. - Buy her something that reminds her of the good memories as a child. - Stroke her skin. Run your fingers through her hair. Kiss her neck. - Tell her stories, and remind her about the fun times that you guys had together.- Keep all of her secrets safe with you. Something that a lot of people with PTSD have is trouble trusting people. Let her know that she can trust her. Thanks for letting a person with PTSD have a second chance.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • August 13, 2010
    • 04:08 PM
    • 0
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