Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

Girlfriend gone bonkers?

Posted In: Mental conditions 11 Replies
  • Posted By: monkeypants
  • December 17, 2006
  • 09:21 PM

Hello! Sorry for the strange title. I am concerned about my girlfriend's mental health. I don't know if this is a mood disorder or what- I know she has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders and is on sertraline (does not follow up with psychiatrist/therapist, however.) She has really intense mood swings- I would describe it as going from really upbeat (she's affectionate, wants to go out, etc.) to being really cold and reserved (she doesn't want to be touched, she'll want to stay in, go to bed at 9pm, not talk about how she's feeling.) Recently, she said she felt unattractive, unintelligent, and she has overall lost an interest in sex. I encouraged her to follow up with a therapist, but she has refused. Also, when she gets in these depressive/quiet moods, she doesn't want anyone around- she pushes me away, and frequently is mean/angry with me. Despite the fact that she's been diagnosed with depression, I've only seen her cry once (have been dating for 9 mos.) I feel like she has major issues expressing emotions. With her going from upbeat to down I feel like I'm dealing with someone with two personalities! Is this typical of people with depression and anxiety? That they push the person who they're dating away/are mean to them when they're experiencing a "down" period?

Thanks for any advice

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11 Replies:

  • Mood swing is a part of depression She is going to need a lot of your support and understanding, saying this, maybe if you read a lot more about her condition, it will help you see her in a different light and lift a bit of the weight off your mind too and help you realise that you are not alone.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • December 20, 2006
    • 07:28 PM
    • 0
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  • How long has she been on her current anti-depressant medication? It may be that this particular medication is not doing its job properly and she needs to be she swapped onto another type of antideppressant. They are so hit and miss - as depression is such an individual illness.I am a community mental health nurse in the UK and come across this almost daily - there are so many drugs on the market now, all of which work differently with different people and it sounds to me that you girlfriend is not responding to the sertraline as effectivly as she should. Get her to go back and look at starting on a different drug - preferably one which is liceneced for anxiety disorder as well as depression!Hope this helps!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • December 24, 2006
    • 00:08 PM
    • 0
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  • maybe it's the medication, or maybe she's a tiny bit bipolar?
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • December 25, 2006
    • 11:51 PM
    • 0
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  • I am in a similar situation. My live-in girlfriend of about 4 years has many of the same symptoms. It started a couple of years ago, when her job moved to a new office across town, which made it a 45 minute drive each way for her to get to work. Plus she complains her work is very stressful. She began having mood swings like you describe, going from happy, wanting to go out, ect. to angry, yelling, crying, about the littlest things, like clothes being wrinkled, or dishes not clean. She sometimes wakes up in a bad mood, yelling at me for no reason, or worse, an imagined reason, as she gets ready to go to work. It happens more and more frequently now, with fewer and shorter happy periods. I have noticed it gets much worse around the time of her menstrual period. She also complains of always being tired, and often goes to bed by 8:00 PM. She has never (to my knowledge) been to a mental health professional. She was diagnosed with sleep apnea last year, but doesn't like sleeping with the mask for the machine on, so hasn't used in in a long while. She sees a regular doctor, but he doesn't seem to think much of this.I need help in finding out what this might be, and also how to approach her about seeing a mental health professional. What I don't want is to sound like "I think your nuts and should go to a funny farm" though I am afraid that is how she will take it. HELP!
    star1701gazer 2 Replies
    • January 7, 2007
    • 06:59 AM
    • 0
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  • are you up to this?there could be a lifetime of it.........
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • January 8, 2007
    • 08:27 PM
    • 0
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  • To Star1701 gazer: I would suggest one thing - talking about this with her. It may seem like common sense, but anger, fear, stress, anxiety and so on that you are both describing are symptoms of a very unhappy person.Being overly stressed (ie not being able to handle) simple, everyday things is a symptom of depression.Asking her casually if she is 'happy right now?' (over a meal, or in a quiet, everyday, regular moment) may actually allow her to acknowledge more openly to you - and herself - that actually, no, she's not.Her acceptance that things are NOT right is the first step foward, and may enable her to do something about it, and for you to ask her - 'what do you feel would help?'This is a good alternative to going down the road of 'do you think you should see a shrink?'!!!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • January 25, 2007
    • 01:55 PM
    • 0
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  • MONKEYPANTS and STAR1701GAZER, I commend you both for taking an interest in your girlfriends health. I am 34 yr old and have multiple physical and mental ailments. I am bipolar/manic depressive, ect. I met my husband at 20 yrs old and we have been married for going on 12 years! I love him to death but he is very passive and queit when it comes to my health. He never asks Dr's any questions or researches anything to get more info. This makes me feel very alone in my situation. I have no parents or other family other than my 9 yr old daughter. Hard to explain, but, it would mean everything to me and make me feel more "important" if he would just get more involved. Right now, I am going through being partially diagnosed with an adrenal tumor. Many terrible symptoms and been very ill. He doesn't say anything. I am really scared and I need support. I guess I kind of got off your subject. Take it from another female, although we are not all the same, I would love to have my other half involved in my health. Maybe just show your girlfriends your posts. Be honest with her that you are worried about her and you think she needs help. That you do want to see her happy and feel better. It may surprise you and she may take her issues more serious if she realizes that you are this concerned. ***l, show her all the replies too. Even mine:) . Make sure that she knows you are not trying to hurt her, but trying to help. I wish you both best of luck in whatever it is you decide to do. Not too many guys around like you! Keep up the good work
    miserableMOE 52 Replies
    • January 25, 2007
    • 09:27 PM
    • 0
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  • Is your girlfriend overweight? Reason i ask is because people (my parents, i used to) who are typically overweight seem to have more depression. What you eat affects your mental state. If you eat healthy, clean, fresh foods (veggies, grilled chicken, complex carbs) you will feel soooooooo much better than if you had fast food all the time, sugary sodas, diet sodas, coffee, etc. I can attest to that. I was soooooo moody all the time, would snap at my husband, my kids. I got tired of being so nasty at them. I would find the negative in everything. And i am a stay at home mom! I started weight lifting and cardio (running) about a year ago. Not only have i lost weight, have sculpted my body with the weight training, my husband said it has COMPLETELY changed my attitude. Whereas i used to love to sleep in and couldn't get out of bed in the mornings, i get up at 5:30 am to work out. i am a new fun person! i see the joys in life. And that also comes from the Lord ****s. He has helped me transform myself into a sweet-spirited person now. I do more for others....if we all did that, the world would be a much nicer place!Pray for her and help her to stop eating the junk that is making her miserable.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • I agree with miserableMOE. When I go through a "down" period, I just need someone to be there, even though I'll try and push them away. Although my partner doesn't always realise that I can sometimes have mood swings for no reasons at all (not even because of womens problems), he's always there to talk to. Stick with it! Both me and my partner have depression that keeps reoccuring and we both know it will keep coming back, but you can help make it better. I had an especially bad experience last month where I felt a little down because of illness, got totally drunk (and a little high, only through enhaling chemicals) and got out the kitchen knife, tried to sneak it into the bedroom, but didn't work. ... I think I scared him! But he wouldn't leave me alone! I was very annoyed at him, but now I realise how great he is!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • she has overall lost an interest in sex. I encouraged her to follow up with a therapist, but she has refused. Also, when she gets in these depressive/quiet moods, she doesn't want anyone around- she pushes me away, and frequently is mean/angry with me....I feel like she has major issues expressing emotions. With her going from upbeat to down I feel like I'm dealing with someone with two personalities! Is this typical of people with depression and anxiety? That they push the person who they're dating away/are mean to them when they're experiencing a "down" period? Thanks for any advice What are your ages? Are you a first (or second) love in her life? Maybe she is a survivor of rape or incest or other abuses in her childhood that she may not have had the strength to share with you before. It doesn't make her 'damaged goods' like some people have callously and cruelly said, but it does present problems in varying degrees among survivors of abuse. What do you think? It could be a touchy/raw subject with her but didn't realize it until she got into a relationship...if you ask her gently about it, whatever she says first, if she seems touchy, simply accept her answer whatever it may be and quietly walk away and leave her alone to think about what she wants to say to you. It's a possibility I thought I'd bring up. I wish you both the best.
    Lilgreenapples 7 Replies Flag this Response
  • I started weight lifting and cardio (running) about a year ago. Not only have i lost weight, have sculpted my body with the weight training, my husband said it has COMPLETELY changed my attitude. Whereas i used to love to sleep in and couldn't get out of bed in the mornings, i get up at 5:30 am to work out. i am a new fun person! i see the joys in life. And that also comes from the Lord ****s. He has helped me transform myself into a sweet-spirited person now. I do more for others....if we all did that, the world would be a much nicer place! I couldn't agree more. Exercise is #1 for helping depression. Diet and supplementation and hydration(pure water) are also very helpful. B vitamin complex and Essential Fatty Acids are extremely important and often deficient with our western diets. Look into this to help manage depression. Best wishesDOM
    acuann 3080 Replies Flag this Response
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