Sorry for the long list but its the best way to describe my feelings.
Below I have listed how I have felt at varying points for the last 2 years. More recently it feels like they are all present at the same time!
Lack of concentration
Lack of energy, motivation
Loss of self confidence, avoiding people so I don’t have to speak to them
Nervousness when talking to people, even friends, for fear of not being able to have a conversation, awkward silences among friends because I can’t think of anything to say, nervous tic when I realise everyones attention is on me, like if i am telling a story
Feeling withdrawn, introverted, not being able to relate to people
Sadness and crying, coming out of nowhere, no trigger, mood swings - high to low very quickly
Getting angry at the smallest things very quickly , for no reason
Not taking pleasure in the things I used to, hobbies feel more like a chore
Memory loss, so much so that I have to make a list everyday before I leave the house so I don’t forget my plans for the day. These lists make it seem that every day is regimented, and if there is too much on my list I worry and stress about getting it all done.
Forgetting what I was saying halfway through a sentence or conversation , completely losing my train of thought, mind just goes completely blank
Easily confused, stupid things like putting something down, going to pick it up and although it’s right in front of me, not being able to see it
Muddling of words, not being able to complete a sentence, having to repeat it a few times to get it right, which happens everyday.
This is badly affecting my work life and social life, for example, I can’t concentrate at work, if I am asked to do something, 2 minutes later I’ve forgotten what it was.
If I’m looking for a job I’ll brush off jobs I could easily do 2 years ago because I have lost confidence in my ability, or it involves something everyday such as making conversation with people.
Relationships seem harder and I find it hard to have conversations with people and meet new people because I don‘t know what to say. People seem to think I don’t care but I just find it hard to show my feelings or pick up on how others are feeling. I come across as rude and arrogant to people when I can’t help the things I do and the way I act. If I do do something that may offend someone I can’t tell that I’ve done it, I can’t seem to pick up on people’s emotions and feelings.
I don’t know what to do, nobody can understand because I can’t explain these feelings to anyone. Its getting to the point now where I’m stuck, I’m just existing and not enjoying life.
I feel like I have dramatised the whole thing by making such a huge list but it’s really started to affect my everyday life and the way I do things.
If anyone can suggest anything for these symptons I would be grateful.