Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

Feeling boxed in - nowhere to turn

Posted In: Mental conditions 1 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • November 15, 2007
  • 02:16 AM

Hi there all,

I need some advice, thats why I am here...here is my story.

I am a 19yr old female, and I have recently been diagnosed with BPD (about 2 weeks ago). It all started about 5 weeks ago, one night I was fine, bit blue but using 'normal' coping mechanisms like watching a movie, and going to bed. The next night I was feeling really 'bad' not in control of everything that was welling up inside me, I tried all my 'normal' ways to cope, they just simply did nothing to relieve the turmoil inside, so I turned to a razor and a bottle of pills. The next morning I realised that this could only be the very begining of a downward spiral, one that i didn't want. So I contacted my local mental health team and made a self refferal. unfortunetly things went down very quickly and the next week I self admitted to an emergency department after a massive overdoes and major lacerations to my body. I was of course datained and put under the care of the team at the Royal Adelaide Hospital. I spent a week there with the outcome of nothing, I was going through a phase they said. So I tried to get on with my life, uni, family that kinda thing. Still cutting the whole time. I moved out of the family home and into a shelter for a while, but things were just getting worse. I was having these 'episodes' of depressed mood and suicidal thoughts and actions daily, its like the floor just falls out from under my feel and no matter what I do I cannot pull myself out of it, that is until I finally am so emotionally exhausted i collaps into sleep or it just switches off. During this time I was assessed by ACIS, rated not as a priority and left pretty much to my own devices. About 2 weeks ago I was admitted to hospital for a suicide attempt, detained and diagnosed with bpd. I do have some old but very upsetting childhood trauma that I am working through with a councellor and a psycologist. And I have been put on 200mg of sodium valporate by my doctor. It's just not doing anything, I am having these 'episode' pretty much daily, I hate that I have cut and I am trying to stop by doing other things like holding ice or flicking a rubber band or peeling glue off my hands. All the doctors tell me to call ACIS emergency helpline if I get bad and last night I did, I had harmed myself really bad (making me feel worse) and I was just sinking deeper and deeper so I rang them, I got a mental health nurse who pretty much yelled at me and told me off and threatend to send the police out, I am not a very self assured person at the best of times and I just couldn't hold my own so I just listened and cried.

So that comes to my question, I feel that I have exhausted all the avenues of support and help, and things are just as bad as they were when this all started 5 weeks ago. I am intelligent, well adjusted person 90% of the time and this makes me want to seek out help and not let myself give up but I just can't see any other option.


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1 Replies:

  • I tried to reply to your post before but I'm not sure whether or not it was submitted because of a computer error. So here I go again.Let me try to break down my advice as simply as possible. Here are the points I'd like to make in no particular order.1- you may not have bpd especially if you have never had a manic episode before. 2- you said that your medication is not working for you. That definately means you need to try something new. If you are not bipolar than an antidepressant might work. 3- tackle the brain chemistry before you try to work on your post-traumatic issues because you are at a very perilous point right now and you might die.4- please find help from someone who does not want to hurt you like that mean doctor you mentioned. You need help from a sound, compassionate, and helpful person. 5- I think you might be having a major depressive episode. 6- I think that you are a lot braver and stronger than you know, especially because you are confronting your problems head on. 7- Believe in your own strength. Look back upon a time when you overcame an obstacle life threw at you by using your strength and your wits. Remember how good it felt. Concentrate on that feeling. Meditate. Gather strength. Please feel free to use me as a therapist and I will do my best to answer any questions you might have. Other people on this site may also want to help you. I am not scared or threatened when I learn about another person's terrible experiences. I am actually quite interested, focused, and observant- no matter what you are describing. I have been through my own traumatic life experiences and I have suffered through mental illness as well. At one point in my life I self-harmed. I haved reached a stable point in my life through medication and self-help. Please write in detail and ask as many questions as you'd like. The more information the better. I hope you are able to get the medicine you need- something that at least takes the edge off for the time being. I have to look up th med you are on now because I have never heard of it before. I might not be able to get back to you until sunday as I will be in a place where the internet is dial up and prone to many malfunctions. Right now I am temporarilly able to access a better computer, but not for long. I will be able to read your reply but I wont be able to respond until sunday. I hope you stay safe hon. Take care.
    FreeSpirit27 14 Replies
    • November 23, 2007
    • 09:25 PM
    • 0
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