thank you for taking the time to read this.h
Help me someone..
I started this account because ive been having tension headaches that didnt go away. I get stressed about everything for no reason. I dont know how to release it.. it builds up and it ruins me. Recently i posted about about a lump i found in my neck.. No one responded to help me. I sat here and waited for someone to tell me it was nothing, or something. I got no response. the doctor said it was nothing. He barley even felt where it was. I sit here every night and have nightmares about what would happen if the pain never went away, or got WORSE. If i had to go through being told i had cancer. There is nothing that i fear more.. every little thing that ever goes wrong with me, i build into a problem that eventually leads to me thinking i have cancer. Every month it's like i have something new to worry about. What is the matter with me, why am i such a hypochondriac. I get so upset, it drives me crazy. every day i'm alive i feel like its a miracle, and besides the little issues i deal with that i build into these fears, there IS NOTHING wrong with me. there is no miracle. Are there other people that freak out as much as i do? I'm only 20 years old. Im in college. I live a normal life, my friends / family don't know anything about this problem.
When i was a kid in like 7th grade... i started getting scared about getting sick to my stomach. We would go out to eat, and id work myself up into such a frenzy. My adrenaline would kick up and id get EXTREMLY nervous and it would make me tired and naseaus and id have to leave the restaurant. it was ridiculous, and would happen every time we'd eat out. eventually after months of psychotherapy i figured out it was all in my head. but i was in the hospital for months having tests done until they removed my appendix. i was mis diagnosed with chrones disease. it was ridiculous, and scared me for life. i was able to eat out to dinner again by the time i was in 10th grade. about the same time i started smoking weed with some friends from school. the weed helped me get over alot of fears, helped me make friends and develope my social skills. it helped relax me, calm my nerves, i used to smoke before important dates with girls.
i just started getting seriously involved with a girl, and i quit smoking. it was hard for the first week.. but its been about 3-4 weeks now.. and im not craving to get high, but my nerves are so shot. my doctor doesnt know i smoke, neither do my parents. i got away with it for so long.. i dont enjoy the high anymore, it doesnt help me relax. i get paranoid now, i think about my life and i become unhappy about what sort of decisions im making. (i go to art school) i think about how unreliable an artistic job will be. i think about how dissapointed my parents could be if im unnsuccsesfull. i worry about everything, and now im rambling. thank you for taking the time to read this.. if anyone has any opinions or advice id really appriciate it.
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