I'm 18. I am somewhat 'obsessed' with hiding how I feel. I feel like it's more than necessary to put up a good front. I feel bitter most of the time. I suffer from the occassional bout of depression, ranging between a few nights to a few weeks in length. It's generally spread apart by months, but sometimes only weeks, and rarely, only days. Between these periods of depression I feel a mixture of happiness and no positive or negative emotion, an even keel. I frequently find myself getting angry over things, some small and some big. I feel that I am mentally superior to most people, especially my peers, but I also have an issue with feelings of low self worth. I think of suicide often. I had many attempts when I was 14-15, most of them weren't real attempts, a couple were. During that year or so, I was very depressed all the time, which is not at all how I feel now. My suicidal thoughts (as far as I can tell) are primarily fueled by philosophical wonderings, and poor impulse control/the idea that I have the power to end my life whenever I want.
Anyways, I would appreciate it if anyone could tell me what this sounds like. I've been considering seeing a shrink, but I don't like medication. Is any of this worthy of a therapist, or are these just regular emotional/mental cycles?