I'm an 18 year old girl and I have a lot of issues. I regularly experience intense bouts of depression, anxiety and panic attacks that consequently has had a negative impact on my physical state as well. To begin with, I moved out of my parents' home when I was 15, and have been working to pay rent as opposed to school for three years. When I first moved out, it was to have the ability to do copious amounts of chemical drugs, even though I had already started at 13. That ended about a year ago and has had some lingering after effects (depression due to an imbalance, brittleness, fatigue) and has changed my life completely. Now, I instead rely heavily on alcohol to be entertained, to socialize, and to think clearly sometimes.
For months, I have been physically ill, always tired. Recently I had a breakdown where I sat in my apartment for almost a week and just cried. Most of the time my mind goes to fast for me to coherently understand and it's very frustrating. I always over-analyze to the point where I've broken down just about everything. I have very severe gerascophobia that's eating up my youth. I get too sad to talk to my parents because I was never around and never got to know them, and all that I can think about is them getting older and eventually dying. I think about myself getting old, how crazy I'll become when I see my body deteriorate. I DREAD my birthdays and I'm only 18! I want children but there's always that thought that I won't be the young person anymore. I even have dreams about finding the fountain of youth!
I have never taken medication for any mental health issues but I'd like to know how I can try to understand any of this.