For the past few months I've had too many terrible thoughts about death and dying. A lot of them will occur when I'm driving. I'll have the same "vision" that the car in front of me wrecks, and I try to save the person but I can't. Or about me dying in a car wreck, and then I imagine how my family and friends would react, how traumatized they'd be. I see my parents crying, people finding out. It's terrible.
Or during the day I randomly think about other people dying- like my parents. I'll think of how terrible it would be if my mother died and how we would all react.
These images really, really disturb me to the point where I'll literally break down in tears while driving and thinking about this stuff, or just randomly start crying in bed over it. All I'll want to do is just curl up somewhere and deal with the pain of these thoughts.
I do have a history of depression/anxiety, and OCD as well, but lately I've been a lot better. I think this all honestly started after my grandma died, and I always started thinking of how horrible it must be for my mother to have lost both of her parents. I've always been able to sympathize well with people; too well. I'm a female and 21 years old. I've also noticed that sometimes these thoughts are the worst when I'm tired. I've always had problems with insomnia, but again, lately that's gotten better too. It's like these mental problems just come and go throughout my life, because I experienced really bad images like this when I was a kid, just over a different subject matter.
I just really want these to stop. It's ridiculous and makes me think I'm going crazy when it happens. I know a lot of people have daydreams/intrusive thoughts, but it's the fact that mine can have such a real impact on me that bothers me, like how it can move me to tears and just make me really upset.
I feel like I can't really talk to a therapist because that would have to go through my parents, with their insurance, and it doesn't really seem like they take me seriously whenever I do work up the guts to mention stuff like this. So I'm just wondering if anyone might know any causes/suggestions of what to do...
It's almost to the point to where sometimes I dread driving because I'm constantly thinking about car wrecks, death...it's terrible :(