Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

Can anyone help (changes of moods)

Posted In: Mental conditions 12 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • April 20, 2007
  • 09:32 PM

I am a 20 year old female. I have always suffered with low mood, even since I was a little girl. And have always been shy. I was bullied in almost every year at school, even by my own friends, and sexually abused from the age of 6-11.

I left school at the age of 14 because I couldnt stand it any more, and was having terrible headaches sometimes lasting for days. The teachers did very little to stop the bullying. I layed in bed all day every day, and felt extremely depressed, and suicidal.

As time went by, and I discovered painting and drawing, I became slighty happier.

I don't go out alone, am extremely shy (especially around new people or people I don't know very well), and have no friends, no job and no life.

But for the past year and a half (I think), my moods keep changing and I am a little concerned and confused as to what is wrong with me.
I have times when I feel euphoric. Sights and colours really stand out to me, and become so much more interesting. I get sudden happy thoughts rush through me out of the blue. I feel so much more confident, and like I can do anything and be normal just like everybody else. I feel more powerful, don't care what others say. I plan to do things like save up money(from selling some paintings, birthdays etc) and go far away on holiday by myself, which is a big thing considering how shy I am, and how hard I find it to talk to people. I only feel these things In my head, I don't think my mum or anybody else has picked up on this yet.

But then on the other hand, I have times when I feel extremely sad, and have sudden thoughts of death. I hate the way I look, have no motivation and just want to sit and stare at the wall or watch tv. I think how awful life is, and that I am never going to have a family or friends. I feel like I want to hurt myself (which I have done in the past, but not for a while now)

I don't have any problems sleeping these days, my sleep patterns are normal. Its just that, one minute I feel quite normal, then the next I get a sudden rush of happiness or euphoria. This might last seconds and then I go back to feeling normal, or it might come on gradually and last for months.
Or, I might feel normal, and then suddenly go into an unhappy mode for no reason just out of the blue. sometimes its just a sudden rush of suicidal thoughts, and then I feel quite normal afterwards. Or the unhappy thoughts can last a few days.

Right now I feel normal, but this morning I had a sudden suicidal thought that came and went. With these thoughts, often comes a feeling inside like anger or something.

I have mild mood swings occasionally, but these are caused by stress and not for no reason.

I don't hear voices, do drugs or anything like that. I take care of myself, and can think properly.
I do however, become easily annoyed and distracted by sounds. I am very sensitive to sounds, and get extremely annoyed and moany about things that other people don't find annoying at all. (particularly banging, people talking loudly that sort of thing) My family tell me to ignore these things, but I just can't.

As I said, I don't think any of my family are aware of what is 'going on in my head', its just what I feel inside. I find it frustrating when my mood shifts. Sometimes it seems like I feel normal for a while, and then go into the euphoric state for a while, and then back to normal for some time, then for a couple of days I feel sad.
The past few months though, I have felt normal, while about three times a week I get the sudden suicidle thoughts rushing through my mind, with feelings of loneliness, and less often I have felt the euphoric state.

I don't know if anyone in my family has mental health problems, although my dad did once tell me he sometimes suffers with depression. I don't know if its just the typical 'blues' that people get or if its something more serious that he didn't tell me about.

If anyone has some idea what could be wrong with me, please can you help?
I'm sorry if you found all this confusing and long, I just thought it would be good to explain it well. If you have any questions, please ask.

Thank you

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12 Replies:

  • Anyone?????
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • We had to think first .. I think you are sane. Obviously a stunning person, a spring that cannot be poisoned for a long time, and stronger for what you have endured. Begin with this poem, www.poemhunter.com/poem/on-pain/ by Khalil Gibran. I know what you could try (you have already started) but I don't have time to write it now. I have too many friends, such as you.Please, see if you can get the idea from my other humble responses? http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=12042 (second post); Also http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=12876 (post 11, I was still unregistered); http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=13502 (posts 2 and 4); http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=12933&page=4 (posts 37 & 39); http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=10111 (post 10); And http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=10111 (post 2). Sorry it repeats many things.You prefer quiet because you are a more spiritual person. Some of my (male) friends are - shall we say - self-defence experts, yet they can't handle the normal noise in a shopping centre, they have to flee out of there. And they cry in the movies. What is NOT normal is to be insensitive.Getting married and breeding, that is no challenge, the worst do it. I'm sure you will make a better job of that. Please don't marry a ***k, rather wait. As for friends, first ask whose friend you'd want to be. Don't waste your time. Then list all that you can potentially offer as a friend (to an ideal friend) - again you have already started, but develop written notes. And be patient, few people know anything by 20. Questions?
    Curly Stooge 319 Replies Flag this Response
  • You sound like quite a sensitive person and really you sound a lot better off than I would expect given the history you describe. It is hard to say exactly what is "wrong" with you. Maybe what you experience simply indicates that your personality is at the extremes of natural tendencies we all have? Do you have Anxiety Disorder/Panic Attacks? It would seem to naturally go with what you describe. I understand you do wish to make your life better (regarding the having no freinds and so forth). Feel free to e-mail me at Teamnorm@aol.com and I will try to help you out/get to the bottom of your complex situation. (BTW I think your painting and drawing are a GREAT self-therapy, far better than what "professionals" would try to push you into). ~Norm
    Non Servium 85 Replies Flag this Response
  • Thanks for the replys. No I dont have panic attacks, but I do sometimes get anxious.For the past couple of weeks now I have been feeling sad. It just started for no reason at all. I dont feel extremely sad, just mildy sad. I also feel very lonely, annoyed at everything and a bit irritable and like nothing is ever going to be ok. The days just seem to wizz by so fast, sometimes I have to think really hard what day it is. Its been up and down, today wasn't quite so bad, but tommorow I could feel worse. Last night when I went to bed, I heard screaming in my head. It was a really loud echoing scream that sounded like somebody screaming as loud as they can. I know I wasn't dreaming. Thats the first time that has happened to me, other nights my thoughts race from one subject to another, I just can't seem to shut my mind off.I also had pains in my heart about a week ago, I've had that before just not for a while.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • Dr Victor Frankl described that, "like the last scream of someone being murdered". Yes, the world is in far greater danger than you probably even realise, and your meditative existence makes you tune in to it. Know that (frustrating as it is) you are precisely where you have to be. I so wish I had time to explain everything .. I had a terrible childhood and at 20 was shy, fat, psychotic and lonely. My psychic aunt said, "Soon not only your cup but also your saucer will be running over" (as in Psalm 23). It took another 10 years, but it happened! I'm far better off today than many who "had a life" back then. What helped me was to read. Please, do the book "A Course In Miracles". An online version is available at http://acim.home.att.net and many bookshops have it. Don't think it difficult, it is easy. Never mind believing it, or even understanding - just read from beginning to end .. You may even need to hurry.
    Curly Stooge 319 Replies Flag this Response
  • Hi. I can relate to a lot of the things you are describing. I just don't want you to feel alone. Not that hearing from me will help, but just so you know you're not the only one. I was bullied through school like you were saying you wereThat scream sound you were talking about hearing? I hear something like that that I call "trumpets" -- loud, blaring, screeching brassy sound that I hear in my head.I never noticed until recently but my senses are off the charts -- a small sound that doesn't bother someone irritates the heck out of me. A stereo played at a normal decibel to someone else sounds way too loud to me. Sometimes my senses get mixed up and I taste a sound -- that's the only way I can describe it. And I get sensory overload/overstimulation easily.Last year I was diagnosed bipolar II (not saying you might be) and take meds which help somewhat (not saying you need meds.) Anyway, didn't mean to make this all about me but I did want you to know that you are not alone. Hang in there.
    matildawong 5 Replies Flag this Response
  • Hi :) I have most of the same symptoms that you have discibed .Though I have not been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, my mother has and so has my daughter.My daughter though, has a more sever type of bipolar.But we all share the basic symptoms that you have. Not saying that you have this disorder but it is worth checking into.Information is a very powerful tool !You may concider talking to your parents about whats going on with you they maybe able to help you.It not a good idea to go through something like this alone.Especially if your having random boughts of suicidal thoughts .Also,the abuse that you suffered as a young child ,if it has not been managed properly,could be making your symptoms worse. That kind of abuse is very traumatic .If you have not gotten mental help for that ,you really need to concider it. You really need to start by talking to you parents if you can .If not,you need to find some one who you can. Good luck to you.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • Wow. I have almost the exact same symptoms. I went to my doctor and got anti-depressants, but they didn't work, then again, buuut didnt work so he sent me to a psychiatrist who prescribed some anti-depressants...buuuut they didnt work. So I started to really think about my symptoms and they dont completely match the typical depression symptoms I get to much up and downs although I've mostly been down now but I think the anti-depressants make mood shift faster. anywho I read about symptoms of other mental illnesses and I think bipolar II fits best. I havent had the courage to ask my psychiatrist about it cause Im afraid he'll be angry, dont know why. but hey ask your doctor if that is possibly whats bothering you, then you might need mood stabilizers. And dont wait, bipolar II has one of the highest suicide rate of all mental illnesses. Hope this helps, go talk to your doctor!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • Thanks for all the replys.I told my mum about what has been going on, and she said she has noticed it a little bit. I feel like I am in my happy phase now. I have been so excited and acting silly out of the blue for no reason, I just cant control it. I have also been talking non stop, which my mum also noticed. I had these moments of euphoria, then came speedy thoughts. My speedy thoughts (thats the only way I can explain it) are like mixtures of different things. I will have one sudden thought, then as quickly as that came I might see an image in my head, then a couple of words from a sentance from a conversation I heard on the tv or something, then parts of a song etc etc. It just switches between constant random things. I felt so full of energy the other night, and so excited I felt almost like I could explode. I haven't heard any screaming in my head lately, but just cant shut my brain off when I go to bed, beacuse the subjects just keep switching in my mind it makes it hard to get off to sleep sometimes. I feel like going so many places.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • sounds like bi-polar
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • Sounds exactly how I USED to be. I have been diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I take about 4 pills every day to control the horrible symptoms of these disorders and now live a fully functioning, happy, normal life.Don't get me wrong, the process to get well was not easy. Finding the right doctor, the right medicines, the right dosages, the right therapist, etc.Anyways I cannot diagnose you...but I would strongly suggest that you see a professional who can help you feel better. You can be more confident, happy, beautiful, successful, and creative than you thought you ever could be. I promise you can get better, and I promise you are not alone in this.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • November 27, 2007
    • 00:24 AM
    • 0
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  • Sounds like Bipolar to me;-)
    Anasthasia 22 Replies Flag this Response
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