Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

borderline personality disorder

Posted In: Mental conditions 8 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • February 4, 2007
  • 04:01 AM

I have a 22 year old daughter who was sexually abused up until she was 10 years old. As a mother it broke my heart when i found out but it explained a lot of her behaviour at the time. She has always been difficult but lately she has not been rational.I am desperate for answers as she wont go and see a professional I believe that she has borderline personality disorder and if i could find out more about it i could help her which i desperatly want to do.
The reason that i have come to this conclusion is over the last couple of months she had a baby which has been taken into care ( her partner physically abused him) Now any normal mother would kick him to the curb and fight for her baby but she split with him and then 3 weeks later went back to him because she said she cant be alone and if she gets the baby back which i doubt now she feels that she wont be able to rare him on her own.
Every day i get ph calls from her ranging from i want him adopted out to Why wont they give him back?? Her partner has 3 other children that were taken from his last relationship because of abuse & I cant fathom why she is with him?? This is breaking my heart as this is her 2nd child the 1st one is with his paternal gparents as she was only 16 years when she had him & she was far too young even though i tried to tell her she was too young to have a child she never listens to me
She has always had a difficult relationship with her father but if she is in trouble then he is always there He paid $8.000 for a lawyer to fight to have the baby returned to her care but after she went back to her partner he said thats it i tried to help you but if you stay with him then count me out.
They wont allow me to have the baby as Im too old so where is he going to go in foster care its killing me knowing i wont see him grow up
Please can someone help with some informative answers

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8 Replies:

  • she has tried the rational world and look what it did to her .it sounds to me as if she is struggling to make some sort of accomodation to the worldagainst a horrifying background of experience .i cant devote much time to this tonight,sorry.but usually it is not helpful to talk about reactive conditions in terms of disordered personality.(even though ,as here ,there may be some strict semantic-nonmedical-validity to the statement---she is upset,yes ,so she is in a state of disorder--equally yes,but there is no reason to suppose that it is anunalterable feature.unless of course there is some other underlying problem.until i can devote this some more time,do the following as first aid.reward what you want and ignore what you do not want.represent reality to her,in the sense of challenging delusions,but do not argue.otherwise ,for the moment observe and report back her emotions as you observe them .you may need to go away and learn some more varied words so as to ensure accuracy in this.do not punish or censure in any way. stay calm as you would if ,say a child was vomiting(actually thats not a bad parallel! all her carers should follow this outline.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 5, 2007
    • 10:30 PM
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  • was she a difficult child before the incident(s?)of abuse to which you refer?
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 6, 2007
    • 07:33 PM
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  • Exactly who thinks you are too old to take the baby? If your daughter is 22 then you cannot be ancient...as that would make me that as well....lolDo you feel too old or is the state saying that? Technacily, you are the grandma here right? Your poor daughter. Growing up abused sometimes makes a girl go after the only thing she knows. Somehow she needs to get a sense of self worth back in her life and realize that she is just as worthy of a true loving relationship as the next person. Maybe even show her this site and she can then try to get some feelings out where she doesn't actually have to face another person. This may do her some good to hear some words of encouragement. I am very suurprised that after a horrible childhood which with she had that a personality disorder is all that she may be suffering from. Take care and God bless you both and especially that little baby!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 6, 2007
    • 08:19 PM
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  • was she a difficult child before the incident(s?)of abuse to which you refer?She was a good baby but i think that the abuse started in the cot unfortunatly pedofiles are very good at hiding things from the family But looking back I believe that it started very early on as her bahaviour as a toddler she would cut herself with razors just a little nick not enough to warrant a dr's visit but i was always being called up to the school they wanted to test her all the time and i gave my permission but the tests all came back negative.She would throw tantrums and i asked everyone what i was doing wrong but no one could answer me i tried to get her councelling but she would not speak to the proffessionals.He ruined her life and i will never forgive him for what he done to her as i see it if he had not touched her she would be a different girl he took away all her innocense and damaged her cycie I have always felt so guilty that i did not see it before it was too late Ive always tried to be there for her but lately its been very hard now with the baby in care she does not appear to be at all rational,And i do understand what has happened to her is the most terrible thing that can happen but i want to get her the help that she needs so desperatly
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 8, 2007
    • 08:49 AM
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  • she has tried the rational world and look what it did to her .it sounds to me as if she is struggling to make some sort of accomodation to the worldagainst a horrifying background of experience .i cant devote much time to this tonight,sorry.but usually it is not helpful to talk about reactive conditions in terms of disordered personality.(even though ,as here ,there may be some strict semantic-nonmedical-validity to the statement---she is upset,yes ,so she is in a state of disorder--equally yes,but there is no reason to suppose that it is anunalterable feature.unless of course there is some other underlying problem.until i can devote this some more time,do the following as first aid.reward what you want and ignore what you do not want.represent reality to her,in the sense of challenging delusions,but do not argue.otherwise ,for the moment observe and report back her emotions as you observe them .you may need to go away and learn some more varied words so as to ensure accuracy in this.do not punish or censure in any way. stay calm as you would if ,say a child was vomiting(actually thats not a bad parallel! all her carers should follow this outline.I am at work but i would like to share more with you as your answer is very informative but i dont have much time tonight but i would like to get back to you very soon thank you for your time
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 8, 2007
    • 08:56 AM
    • 0
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  • Exactly who thinks you are too old to take the baby? If your daughter is 22 then you cannot be ancient...as that would make me that as well....lolDo you feel too old or is the state saying that? Technacily, you are the grandma here right? Your poor daughter. Growing up abused sometimes makes a girl go after the only thing she knows. Somehow she needs to get a sense of self worth back in her life and realize that she is just as worthy of a true loving relationship as the next person. Maybe even show her this site and she can then try to get some feelings out where she doesn't actually have to face another person. This may do her some good to hear some words of encouragement. I am very suurprised that after a horrible childhood which with she had that a personality disorder is all that she may be suffering from. Take care and God bless you both and especially that little baby!No its not really that i am too old i have a history with police about 15 years ago and they dont know me it just does not look good on paper it was nothing to do with kids its a long story but i dont think they would let him come to me the old saying judged by a cover not the book!!And Im not sure that i want to raise another baby until 18years old if that sounds selfish i dont know what i can say its just ive reared 3 into adults and was raising the older gchild till it got too much as i was on my own then.I just feel very very tired and i want what is right for the baby its no good taking him and then after 6 months say its too much i cant do it!Not fair on the bub? Or me really i dont know what to do i miss him so much i see him once a week in a docs office for an hour it breaks my heart if my daughter had just stayed on her own with all hr family support and not gone back to the father of bub who abused him then she would have had a good chance of getting him back then i could have him every weekend for her to give her a break.I offered her to come live with me she said no i dont get along with your partner because he's too honest speaks to me too upfront so its best i dont live with you we went out got a house then after 2 weeks asked me could she come live with me it was too late then Oh i dont know it sounds confusing to me i could imagine how it sounds to anyone elseBut thank you for responding it means a lot to me
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 8, 2007
    • 09:14 AM
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  • ask the sanctimonious swine if their parents were perfect.or if they never made a mistake.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 8, 2007
    • 10:15 PM
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  • thank you for appreciating my post.(above)you are untrained,i take it .that does not matter much.you can still rely on the simple elementary methods i have advised.an expert may do them more gracefully,it may be easier for an expert to avoid problems while using them. ,but as in so many crafts ,in the human sciences,"the secrets lie in the beginning." i have told you ,in essence what i would do if i was there.just dont lose confidence halfway down the line,and start doing something"common sense"it is going to take a while.how long was the problem growing,after all?my thoughts are with you. goodnight.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 8, 2007
    • 10:41 PM
    • 0
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