Firstly, im sorry for such a long post and would like to thank anyone for taking their time out to read this.
Have had this for a month. It all started after an mdma trip gone wrong. I was pretty much freaking out thinking im going to die and had trouble breathing for no reason through the whole experience.
I was also on clonazipam 2 week prior for some minor social anxiety for a about a month, but had some short term memory issues so i stopped abruptly. Went fine for a week an then had a panic attack at work so i went back on it at very low dose for a week and stopped all together. The last week was the worst, i had major panic attacks (ONLY AT WORK) i was fine at home. Mind you, i NEVER BEFORE that had a panic attack in my life. But got over it and was alright for two weeks. Then the bad trip
Most of the time im in fear, especially at work. Not in fear of a specific thing but just fear in general. In the morning i sometimes wake up in fear of going to work and thinking i will have a panic attack although i haven't had one for the past 2 months. As i've said it's always the worst at work.
I also had few episodes where suicidal ideation or intrusive thoughts to be more exact, and that truly terrifies me. For instance i would be in my ?anxiety? state and for some reason a thought would pop in to my head saying maybe i should drive of the bridge or cut myself. Then all of the sudden i would step back and think, what the ***l i would never do that. And that really scares me.
Now there symptoms only arise when im at work, especially after lunch. I still feel a little weird through 1st part of the day. But as soon as i get of lunch, this hits right away. Everything is like being in a different state of mind. If i step back and think about that is going on rationally, i know that im ok and everything is alright.
Anyway here are my symptoms, mind you these come and go, every week it's different story.
Very stiff neck where i feel it in my head. Like if you turn you head as far as you can and flex your neck muscles. You feel like your neck is a piece of metal. Have this all the time.
Hard to take in breaths, especially when i get nervous.
Feel surges of adrenaline rush through the body, like before one had a panic attack.
Chest pains (not too common but get some through the day)
Breathing trouble (Some episodes thought the day)
Pressure in around the head and right ear (sometimes)
Scared of being scared, if that makes scene
Negative thoughts more negative then positive
Mind racing. I thinking about one thing, but at the same time thnking about im thinking while singing verses from a song i heard recently. Mind is on double time.
Feel tuned out, not fully myself. Derealization maybe? You know when u watch a movie and they play a dream scene were everything is alittle fuzzy. Thank is my perception most of the time.
Fear of being by myself.
Dizziness, floor spining, the light head, imbalance and confusion (mostly when i wake up in the morning, but get em throught the day too
Very self-conscious basically over analysis and too aware of myself
Constantly thinking there is something wrong with me.
Fear that i might soon die or hurt myself "which quiet honestly i do not have the balls for".
Fear of going insane and loosing control of myself. Which is the scariest of them all.
I also experince skipped heart beats. (But havent had them this week)
And feeling as is there is a bomb inside of me that's about to go off. (Haven' had it much this week)
I have also been to the ER and had a cat scan done, came back negative. Doc said it's anxiety. Also been to Neurologist, she examined me said it's anxiety and possible clonazipam withdraws. Also did EEG, now waiting for result. I just can't to stop thikking there is something wrong with me or that im totally losing it. Lately i've been afraid to go into work because of the way i feel when im there. Please any of your comments would be much appreciated.
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