My mom has schizophrenia..she behaves violent and talks continuously during her ill"spans" which lasts for 15 or 20 days...In order to avoid being depressed i think(imagine) that i lived a happy life with some untrue characters.even when i watch any thrilling movies in tv i imagine that i was there in that movie playing a central role...It relieved me from my stress
but i had some self control that i need to think like this only for a few min and later i returned back to my regular works.inspite of all those hectic moments with my mom i was very good in my academics....all of a sudden when i was 15 i began to loose my self control and started to live in a "fantasy world" and thought of things that would never happen....i know that it is not real,but i can't stop or control my thoughts..
if some person insults me in reality i just ignore it at that moment,but later that incident occupies my mind fully and i feel very depressed,mainly i won't b able to do anything and i can't concentrate in anything..then i begin to imagine in my fantasy world that i gave a good shot back to that person..
At 16 when i was preparing for my exams i suddenly felt that something was telling me "if i read this line 5 times only i will pass in this exam ".I think it may be ocd.even like,if i think of a particular person's face in my mind i would get more marks.Due to all these imaginations my thoughts began to deviate when i was studying.it was really painful for me and... in order to come out of this stress i began to imagine like 'i got very good marks and was the center of attraction in my class'..
slowly my imaginations grew and now i'm just living in a fantasy world with some unreal characters and sometimes with my friends in an unreal situation..
I just talking to the characters in my mind...
And sometimes i imagine 2 made-up stories running parallely in my mind..my characters r imaginary and sometimes real life people also..
if i'm alone i act out ,but in the presence of others it just keeps on going in my mind..Its like my mind is always occupied with something......
Bcoz of all these i have lost my interest in everything.I just hate going to college.. studying.. eating..anything
I feel vey uncomfortable when i am amidst group of people..If i think i shouldn't think of a particular incident I just keep thinking about that only..not able 2 control my thoughts..And what s more painful s that if i think of a person in my mind i imagine that my thoughts would be read by that person so i just can't focus on anything....
i perform some actions repeatedly because something tells me that if i dont do like that then my thoughts would be read by others and i would fail in all events in my life....I'm 19 now and recently whatever interesting i see or hear i just relate it to myself and imagine things...
and i'm not able to concentrate in a particular thought for more than a few minutes.immediately another thought rushes in my mind and all these things happen parllely in my mind. i'm just attending college for the sake of my parents.i feel very dejected if someone doesnt respond to me properly and immediately if something good happens i get excited(mood changes)....i am imagining some conversations with my classmates and think that i have contacts with some great presonalities...
when i said that i'm unable to concentrate in my studies to my parents they arent believing me and tell that due to interest in tv only i'm not studying nowadays."i'm always talking to some imaginary persons IN MY OWN WORLD"....feel suicidal at many times.cannot come to this real world.....I cant tell all this to my dad since he is already worried about my mother's condition.doctors say that schizophrenia is due to hereditary.so i'm afraid whether it has inherited to me also..i prefer to live in my fantasy world which is less painfull than in reality
i took an online psychological test and these r my results
Borderline: Very High
Avoidant: Very High
I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE ITSELF HAS ENDED .... whats wrong with me and plzz suggest me what i should do...........