Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

65yr old women I was adopted at birth; don't know who I am?

Posted In: Mental conditions 0 Replies
  • Posted By: flo532
  • December 21, 2011
  • 06:43 AM

It has been a long, hard confusing life; I never admitted this to anyone until now but; after talking and wondering about my issues I am still confused and would like some answers:
Here goes....I had always felt like I was adopted by loving, caring parents until I have gotten older and had my own children and most of all my grandchildren....My adopted father was a mean alcoholic and I admit; I was scared and didn't like him when he would drink and was scared when he didn't for fear he would and cause emotional upset all of the time in the middle of the night mostly....
He would come home while I was going through school all of my school yrs. and my mother would have to get my brother and I up and take us to other families homes so we wouldn't have to listen to him all the rest of the night..It was awful..

My concern and question is this? I never heard the words; I love you, or anything loving by mother or father really...we just lived our everyday lifes, mother was always upset with my dad becausse of his drinking so I know she was unhappy tooo...
My mother always tried to make up for my dads actions by buying me all kinds of things, I had everything I could have wanted so to say...nice clothes, I got to drive the car at 16 some, made average grades in school; but; no compassion....
I have been married 6 times since I was 17 yrs. old and divorced 6 times mostly because I had made bad choices in men....what I am needing to know is could my upbringing had any effect on my adulthood??? Not that I am wanting to blame anyone; I just don't know what caused me to never be content? I always thought I was going to find that special someone that loved me to death and it never happened...it was always me being the one to instagate the relationships and it was always sexual at first....I didn't ever find peace and comfort with any man I had met...
I feel like I don't know who I am and where did I come from....Help

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