Discussions By Condition: Mental conditions

????

Posted In: Mental conditions 8 Replies
  • Posted By: carnivore
  • October 5, 2008
  • 04:09 PM

Well, I never actually thought about posting a thread in this particular forum, but I came across it and thought I may aswell...

It's not that this weirdness about me is actually bothering me, but it does leave me curious as to what MAY be the problem/cause/possible diagnosis.

I'm 20 years old, female.

For one, I'm certain of OCD, in the Impulse Control section of it. But the only thing about that is there are only 4 types of Impulse Control Disorder, and I don't really fit in to any of those categories; I get a really bad urge to do something, wether it means really going out of my way to do it, wether it means someone is gonna be annoyed or anything, the outcome of these impulses really doesn't matter to me because I feel stressed and anxious until I've completed the task, whatever task it is I set myself. It's not the typical ODCer, who likes to keep clean and things in alphabetical order, and do a routine one thing over and over a certain number of times.

I have trouble with concentration especially when people are talking to me. I tend to either just loose concentration or I just don't give any body launguage to the person talking to me because I feel like if I do, then they will keep on talking. People think I'm anti-social, I don't think that I am, I only like certain types of people. Anyway...I tend to go off in to my own little world quite a lot, like slip out of reality and make stuff up in my head without realising I'm doing it until someone snaps me out of it.

I tend to feel fuzzy, and my body feels really light and tingly, like I'm almost floating. It sorta feels euphoric in a way. (I don't take drugs just to make clear.) Other times, I imagine just tearing the insides out of people in blood/gore detail, even if they haven't done anything wrong to me. I tend to get the occasional moodswing which ends up in me destroying objects. I often feel fatigued.

Most people think I'm weird including friends and family. Everyone at school also thought I were weird. They think it's weird the way I look at them, even though I feel I'm looking at them it a completly normal sense. They all also seem to think that I look un-happy all the time, even when I feel completly okay.

I tend to see lot of things out of the corner of my eye, like someone has just walked past me even if I'm on my own. And I tend to hear my name said a lot when no one is around which actually scares me. Sometimes it feels like I'm being touched when also there is noone or nothing there. I also hear footsteps quiet alot as well. Paraniod about a lot of stuff.

I also think a lot, about everything, time, space, life, business, money, just everything you could think of. I dunno, maybe I just prefer my own mind, well, apart from the few select people who I do really get along with. I love my friends more than life it's self, and I really do love life alot. I dunno...I'm sort of a confused person, but really I'm not, which is sorta difficult to explain. There is probably a lot more, that I can't really think of at this moment. Any questions will be answered though if you'se have got any to gain a clearer insight?

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  • Well, I never actually thought about posting a thread in this particular forum, but I came across it and thought I may aswell...Just the same in here :)Hi, I am a 31 years old male who has the wierdest life ever can anyone has, wow, let me say this: who doesn't? isn't really something that all our lives shouln't be the same, unless we are just "dodos in a flock"... you don't want to be a dodo .. don't you? so you will get menatlly exhausted because now on you think dodos are happier than you .. because they are just dodos.See, I have most of your symptoms, I can state more, I do read about psychology, meds physics, quantom theories, meaning of life .. and anything that asks questions that dont have any possible answers, at the end of my everyday I go on trying to sleep with all stuff buzzing in my brain, seriously till I get the feeling that I am not going to wake up ever again .. I am dying .. but for sure I didn't.I have OCD for sure, It really is not a diseas, non of those psycho-thingies and terms are really disorders, they are just thoughts, and the more you think the more you will feel adopted and adapted to you thoughts, till it really hurts you in a way you can swear you are not awak nor asleep .. but disconnected from reality, the worst thing here to do is go surfing the net about your symptoms or reading more about "reality" because you won't find answers, rather, you will be struk with new questions and so on and so on you will feel more bad.The fastest answer: Feel good.I know it is not so simple to just feel good, alas not a switch that flips our moods from bad to good, but hey, you are not a robot that is controlled by anyone .. you are your own thoughts, if you want to feel good you can feel it and it just needs some practice, just like learning to ride a bice .. or any other skill.Our brains are wonderfull machines, while computer processors need always to be reconstructed by using a software, information, tables of data etc.. our brains do not need any of those, they need a good body to stay in, they need only their exsistance to survive.Some say that bad thoughts are our way to protect ourselves against bad behaviours, yup - I do believe in it and I do believe in the evolution as the only creator of us - for the reason that when we think bad we do know the result, anylize it before taking the next step to perform our physical choices, e.g. if you think falling from the third floor is something funny you would loose your life on your first funny action :) chear up, you are just using bad thoughts to protect yourself, that is very natural... use it all the time and don't you ever think that people around you are always thinking "happy thoughts".. they all have their weird fatasies... your problem is not those bad thoughts you have, but, your thinking about thinking is what exhausting your brain.Now, let me come to the part where I was really obsessed with hitting people next to me, really, the more the people are important, maybe well-dressed, the more I would feel that I would spell coffee - or what ever i am drinking - on their clothes, I also think sometime to poke their eyes if I was holding a pen, well to be more frank, I could notice myslef sometimes trying to put the pen down so I can be ***n sure I won't do it... believe it or not .. I have never but was a very good guy to people, and you can go ask them.. I have never hurted anyone.Sometimes things go really out of control (mentally of course) when people near me are the ones I do love too much, like my own brother or mother, I would think of doing really ugly things to them .. why? because I love them more .. so it is more fearfull thoughts ... but let's get to the point again .. what drives those nasty delusions? .. and why me (you and others) have them.???The simple question is: because we think too much, we anylise too much and we do have larger and smarter brains that perform more caculations during the same time for ordinary people, we are multi-taskers, we do have plenty of time to think about a lot of things at once, more time to think about thinking about them, and for that we entertain our bad thoughts till we get scared of them turning real .. or happen ... calm down .. they won't happen.The cure? there is no cure for entertaining bad thoughts, there is no good cure I found to stop biting my lip or counting my fingers when I think about slapping the nice pizza delivery guy who's acting very kind with me.But, since there isn't any cure there shouldn't be any problem, because : WHO NEEDS A CURE for something that IS NOT A DISEASE ??? huh?I am a very talanted and skilled digital media artist, I have done a lot of "hidden" achievements in my life, I lived a 28 years in Syria; the place where my job is not considered a job actually, I am self-tought, I can make my own money, I never had a supporting parents, I can do A LOT of stuff that mostly people in my eria arn't interested in, so my achievements aren't money or good life neither a position nor a fame, it was myslef being able to do anything and cope with anyone, under any pressure, find fast and good solutions and move as fast as anyone around me can move and think... I do believe in myself now more than anytime ever.Have you ever felt very bad when saying to yourslef : I HAVE TO DO SOMTHING ? well, it is because you are forcing yourself to do what you don't really know what it is, please, if you want to do something just wait and you will do it wihtout even knowing that you are doing it, sometimes you have to get some grip over your enthusiasm and try to just relax and to think about life as a meaningless flow of chemicals in an organism called (I) or (YOU), that organism doesn't have any objective but to live happily over its life-span, nothing that we are "supposed" to do, we are free simple creatures, you can not change the world, I can not do that also, but hey: I won't hesitate changing it if I got a chance ... let us wait for the chance, I feel good helping people around me and making sure everything goes fine, but in case I can't do anything I shouldn't feel bad, it is really not my problemo .. and for now on let us think about how great life is.... isn't it?Sorry for the long post, take it from me: If you think more, if you know more, if you ask more, if you care more .... you will get exhausted and you will need to relax, take a deep breath and stop thiking about thiking, but rather think about everything around you as is, as an abstraction, as simple as it can be.Hope you get well and relaxed, I really wish there is a lot of girls like you who see the life more than a reality, but rather creat their own realities... I would share my life with someone like you... so be happy, you have a gift by nature.All the best.Sam.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • November 6, 2008
    • 10:57 PM
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  • hi sam...no problem about the long reply. it were an interesting read and i can understand a majority of what you wrote, and why you wrote it also.yeah, i think a lot, maybe too much, but on top of my thinking, theories, and conclusions, with out being big headed, i am actually quite an intelligent person, and no body has ever tried to prove me wrong on any subject...well, they have, but mostly failed. it's like ocams razor, the simplest explanation is usually the right explanation, even though to some people (the idiots) that's not the case because they just don't understand...i had a really hard time at school, mostly because i were too lazy to attend, the teachers hated me because i appeared to be not all too bothered about learning, etc, but always, always got average to high grades in school even though i did next to NO work, and barley attended, and you know why? because of the power of thinking, being smart enough to figure out how everything around me works, and then storing it for future use when i'll need it because...everything is linked to another thing, and the more you know about one thing, and how that thing works, you can make yourself smart enough to work out the next thing that comes along and that's my gift... but it's turning me in to a weird person, and no one gets how, what, why i'm doing what i'm doing, or how i've managed to start talking about a thing they think i'd never know, or even what i thought i never knew about in a because i'm too ignorant to learn FROM other people. instead, i learn ABOUT the people ;-) hence the reason i wrote about coming across as being ignorant in my original post above. in a sense, i really don't care what other people think, well most people, because chances are i already know what they are thinking before they tell me. people ALWAYS think before they speak, if not think as they are speaking (multi-tasking). it's mostly bull**** people come out with though, especially the dumb **s majority WE have to deal with...10 mins later, most people we converse with, usually forget about that we speak of soon after it's been said. see, pointless?? they are more bothered about speaking about themselves, then when they speak about themselves, it makes the people they're speaking to think about their reply which usually ends up in them also talking about themselves....do they care??? nope, only mostly about themselves (and partially about those they almost care about) it's selfish, pointless and most of all, careless as to what they're saying because we just wanna talk about ourselves and our boring **s experiences. i ****ing hate man kind, it's just selfless and bull****! there are a select few people who do listen to what we're talking about, can converse in a way where you keep each other interested in an intellectual insight in to MORE than just their selves, and they're what man kind is needing more of if it's ever destined to develop into something better.nothing in life is applicable, to anything, apart from breeding, surving and influencing other people's lives; but if you really thought about it, influencing other peoples daily routine, surviving and breeding is also bull****, cos that just leads to splurting out more bull**** in to the world, which leads us to be a pointless species even though we are the most intelligent species we know about.... well, at least we think we are the most intelligent species we know about...i mean, if we, the evolved species (***o-sapiens) got thrown out in to the wild world, most of us probably couldn't survive or even couldn't be bothered to adapt in a way we could survive, where as wild animals, squirrels, deer, tarantulas, wild dogs and cats, etc, they all know how to survive, because they have always known how to, they learnt mostly by themselves, from a very young age, and most creatures are independent (like the USA apparently lol) but we, human, have to depend on others, and what those we depend on already know. people who have grown up in the slums of the world usually end up being as ****ing stupid as their dumb **s no life parents, because they depend on them. i admit, i were brought up in the slums, but paid no attention to any influence from my parents, because i were myself, and learnt from myself and every other observation i made in to life and it's surroundings and observed it enough to know why all this stuff around me were happening and only then am i able to take advantage of it...like right this second as i write this, now i just proved my own point as stupid as it sounds...i took advantage of something i couldn't of in any other situation because i knew this were a prime time...i buy and smoke rolling tobacco because i'm too skint to buy pre-made cigarettes, as much as i prefer pre-made cigarettes...flat mate fell a sleep on the settee, i woke him up and asked him to give me one where as any other time he wouldn't give me one, where as then he were tierd, barley awake and not fully conscious as to what he were doing. i'm smart enough to manipulate the stupid, and know how to use it in my favour. he were hungry, and couldn't be bothered going to the takeaway or making himself something to eat, then he asked me if i will go for him if he buys me something, in otherwords trying to manipulate me in to getting him food by offering me something to eat also...so i thought to myself, "i know this guy well enough, and he never uses anything less than a £20 note, what can i gain from him trying to manipulate me in to doing what he wants!?" so i said i'll go, and i'll keep the change which he agreed to, and which i knew he would agree to, which gave me £10 worth of change for 20 mins work. not bad right?? if you're stupid enough, you're stupid enough to loose, right?? You know the homeless, who illegally beg for money on the streets? notice most of them have dogs? 1 of 2 reasons, the first being the obvious, because people are more likely to give them money because they feel more for the dog than the homeless person. the 2nd reason, in england, because we are entitled to benefits (free money from the government if you're un-employed or sick) they also get more money to look after the dog than they do for themselves...if the government were smart enough they would just class them as being unstable to have a pet, because they have no home, which would class it as animal cruelty then taking the dogs off them and re-homing them, plus it would save them a ***l of a lot of money. stupid people deserve to be taken advantage of, because they're stupid enough to let it happen. most homeless are drug addicts, well at least they are here, you can tell by their ****ed up voices and mashed up spaced out looks on their faces. i spent enough time living around drug addicts to be able to spot one out a mile off. that's partially where tax payers money is going, to feed their disgusting habits.i just wish that darwins theory would happen more often...then we would be left with a non manipulative world because the people left over would be too smart to be manipulated by anyone else, therefore manipulation would just die out from the left over population because it would be of no use anymore.the brain is a powerful organ, and a majority of the population put it to little, manipulative/selfish uses or no use, and it's a ****ing shame if you ask me. i like thinking and i would like to know about anything and everything weather it were to send me insane or not... all i'd like on top of that is a little more confidence so i can go to work, able to deal with these people, to earn money to enjoy my life with those i love the most at a well earned expense, but i doubt therapy could even sort that out for me, because i'd just be on to the therapist constantly, wondering wether he or she is helping me because he or she wants to, or wether he or she is there just to earn a living, like i want to do, and doesn't actually care.yep, i'd love to punch someone right in the temple, just some random person sat next to me, and i could relate to having to put my hands in my pockets (or in your case, putting the pen down so you don't stab someone) although i'd probably never do it, and like you said, but it's just to make sure we don't do it. although i couldn't ever hurt someone i'm close to, ever. they mean to much to me to cause them any hurt or damage.this, what you said...it's spot on..."See, I have most of your symptoms, I can state more, I do read about psychology, meds physics, quantom theories, meaning of life .. and anything that asks questions that dont have any possible answers, at the end of my everyday I go on trying to sleep with all stuff buzzing in my brain, seriously till I get the feeling that I am not going to wake up ever again .. I am dying .. but for sure I didn't." i could state more, too, but at the point of writing my original message, i weren't really in a state of mind to think and list everything i feel is wrong with me. too many things buzzing around upstairs in my mind which causes lack of sleep at bed time, cos that's when it's most silent, and empty around you, which equals more space for the mind to expand.maybe i have just explained myself in this whole reply, why i wanna tear peoples insides out, and all of the above in my original post...life is stupid, and so are the people, and maybe i am also??
    carnivore 23 Replies
    • November 7, 2008
    • 04:47 AM
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  • i know you
    emmarene 34 Replies
    • November 22, 2008
    • 08:26 AM
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  • You and Sam sound like highly intelligent people to me, people who turn out to have something special that touch of genius have all sort of struggles and fights going on with themselves in their head, they think too much, dream too much, obsess too much, have different fanciful fantastic ideas - and learn to channel them into something worthwhile and wonderful - after many wasted years of fighting 'me' and doing what I thought I should be doing I finally followed my heart and now I write and am happy - follow your heart it's a good leader.
    maggiemay 68 Replies
    • November 24, 2008
    • 00:23 AM
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  • It seems there is too much time "thinking, brooding" and being "taken" with yourself. An interest in the welfare of others is sometimes a very good "cure".
    tidycat 1 Replies
    • November 24, 2008
    • 06:52 PM
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  • i know youif i don't know you, which i don't, you definitely do not know me, either.
    carnivore 23 Replies
    • November 26, 2008
    • 08:23 AM
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  • It seems there is too much time "thinking, brooding" and being "taken" with yourself. An interest in the welfare of others is sometimes a very good "cure".i like to stick with the majority when it comes to caring/others welfare...and that's not caring, because i don't like to think i've stuck my neck out and cared for someone who doesn't.
    carnivore 23 Replies
    • November 26, 2008
    • 08:26 AM
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  • You and Sam sound like highly intelligent people to me, people who turn out to have something special that touch of genius have all sort of struggles and fights going on with themselves in their head, they think too much, dream too much, obsess too much, have different fanciful fantastic ideas - and learn to channel them into something worthwhile and wonderful - after many wasted years of fighting 'me' and doing what I thought I should be doing I finally followed my heart and now I write and am happy - follow your heart it's a good leader.thank you.and i'd like to do just that, but it's almost impossible at the moment to get a well paid job, to sort my head out and accept the day to day people that surround me.
    carnivore 23 Replies
    • November 26, 2008
    • 08:30 AM
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