Discussions By Condition: Medical Stories

what to do

Posted In: Medical Stories 3 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • February 19, 2007
  • 03:20 AM

Hi please i know that this is a medical site, and that i'm about to talk about violence, but it stems from a medical issue. i'm running out of ideas and this is the only place i can think of to put this stuff down.

I'm an epileptic and suffer from a horrendous amount of seizures. My hubby who has always been supportive of them just can't handle them anymore i dont think. Last night during a seizure he got so frustrated at my body not doing what he wanted it to do that he smashed my head into the bed frame. He hits me when i start shaking, and shakes me if i have trouble breathing. If its a grand mal and i'm unconcious he's told me he leaves the room and lets me hit my head and thrash around and spit-up all over myself because if he watches me or tries to put a pillow under my head or something he goes balistic and and i wake up again covered in bruises.

I really want to believe that he's just traumatised by the events. its not like he lies to me about it, he's never blamed my bruises on falling into things while seizing, although that's what we tell me friends and family.

Last few days though i feel he's really losing it and becoming violent. Like seriously violent. Not just last night has he seriously hit me. A few nights ago I was upset and crying and I had a petite seizure (not even a biggy) and he stood me up and threw me accross the room and i passed out mid throw. He says he had to recusitate me. But sometimes he has to do this after a seizure anyway.

He's reallly scaring me, but I'm scared for him more than anything. How must he be feeling inside to do these things? He says that i scare him and he's seen me seize for 2 1/2 years now. Is it just getting all too much for him? SHould i get him some help? Should I leave? What should I do?

Please someone, anyone I'm so confused and scared. I love my hubby but He has me so scared for both our safetys right now.

please someone answer back with some advice

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3 Replies:

  • is this the same post as ASSULT under injury? its written word for word. if so, lets get some more people answering and trying to help this young lady out!
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 20, 2007
    • 07:17 AM
    • 0
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  • presumably everything possible is being done to control the epilepsy.for different reasons this is obviously a very frightening situation for both of you.,but i think the writer is in actual physical danger,and has done the right thing in asking for help.can i ask that from the outset ,that this thread be not contaminated by simple moral and religious posturing,and "my situation is just the same"stuff. the priority is to get the writer out of the way of the blow that may do her deadly harm.you must find a way to separate for a while.this man has come to his limit of tolerance,and before anyone is tempted to condemn him, remember we all have limits.so keep your judgements for yourselves when your limits are reached,and you do a wrong and shameful thing.however,there is something in the old rule,"if he hits you he doesnt love you"but yes i realise you love him.beware:for some reason,male violence holds a strange fascination for some women.and they call it "love".anyone with any serious experience of life will know what i mean.i accept that you love him,my dear,and were it not for that this would be a very simple situation....with an obvious solution.but a new fact has emerged.he hits you.consider;had he done so on your first date,would there have been a second?my main worry continues to be for your physical safety.men forget their own strength so easily.and a womans skull can often be frighteningly delicate,and fragile.it doesnt take much.......and if you are seriously injured,or worse,it may lead to a situation that all the love in the world can not rectify.ths man is obviously in acute distress,a fact which will only make things harder for you as you see his need in the midst of your own.and yes,like you i can sense that in some dim,brutal(to use the word literally,)way his real anger is against the thing that is hurting you,but this is a nice distinction,and one which will cut no ice in the intensive care unit.the unknowns of the future menace every marriage.your crisis has come :he has failed this stern test ,as many another would.normally i would not advise,but you ask.my sense is that this marriage is over,in its current form.you just have not yet realised it.it may be possible for you to continue to associate ,and to do what you can for each other in a way which he can tolerate,and which will not put you in danger.i feel strongly your capacity for love,and perhaps,if his health had collapsed and he was the one in need,(something which you would think he have the sense to consider.......what if he has a stroke tomorrow? what if he is the one in need of care suddenly?....is he not very bright?)your devotion could carry the situation.but now it can not.it is only a factor prolonging your imperilment.you may be able to save something from this ,but it will require creativity,and extensive renegotiation. your target should be a form of association which can be conducted without danger and which will allow you both to continue to enjoy each other as much as you can.i do not know if this is going to be possible.see to your safety without delay.tell him you are doing it in the best interests of the marriage. it is true because if you dont survive there wont be much marriage left!for what to do in the medium term,wait until you have more opinions,and dont delay in seeking whatever help may be available to you elsewhere.forum users please note that this is an urgent situation,and no place for advice about camomile tea and acupuncture.mature serious minds on this one please,folks,and no self serving distractions.give it your best.
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 20, 2007
    • 08:38 AM
    • 0
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  • Is there any other family around that can help care for the epileptic lady so that her and her husband can have a break from each other.I can understand that the husband is at the end of his tether and some time apart may give them both a respite.Even normal unstressed relationships benefit from a bit of "time out"I hope this can be worked out maybe with help from social services if not from family members.Best wishes
    Anonymous 42,789 Replies
    • February 20, 2007
    • 02:54 PM
    • 0
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