Hello, I am a 23 (almost 24) year old female. I am relatively good health, but am a bit overweight. I had a borderline malignancy ovarian tumor removed last year, as well as my gallbladder the previous year, but other than that no major surgeries.
For as long as I can remember, I have been unmotivated I will call it. I have odd sleep schedules- staying up late, sleeping in, and they often cause me to miss class, or decide to call in sick to work. I go through periods of emotional turmoil, all of a sudden out of nowhere I will feel an immense feeling of sadness and no self-worth and burst into tears and just be beside myself to the point of nearly being suicidal, and then just as suddenly as it came on, it will be gone.
I have been in and out of college and boring jobs for 5 years. I'm back in school again, but I find myself missing classes when I'm not sick, not doing schoolwork, and just generally pretty apathetic.
I don't have much interest in anything I used to love... horseback riding for example. I used to love it and would spend all day on a horse whenever possible, but lately when the opportunity to ride comes about, I usually make excuses or just really don't enjoy it as much. Yet I still love thinking about it and talking about and work with horses, it's strange.
I also have memory and concentration problems to the extreme. I can never remember when something is due, appointments, if I ask someone a question, I forget that I asked them and a few minutes later, I will ask again. I can't remember what I did two days ago, things like that. There is a history of Alzheimer's in my family but I know I'm way too young for that.
I will often find myself zoning out on something, and in turn, procrastinating other things that need to be done. I've lost a good amount of interest in social things, such as dating. I go on dates, but just don't enjoy it and even when it's a good guy I have a lot in common with, I generally don't pursue it at all, even if he is. I don't go out with friends nearly as much as I used to.
From what I've found on the internet, it seems I'm showing the symptoms of depression, yet I don't feel depressed most of the time. Any ideas?
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