Apparently, as far as i can tell, theres no longer linear time. Baiscally, it happens with my panic attacks. The event will be an instant reaction: A notice of my emotions, my bodily functions, my terror will happen in a flash, worrying over something im about to do but do not realise i am about to do but simultaneously DO realise enough to become worried. When this happens i get a dizzy blast so hard that i fear imminent death.
But as far as I can tell, there is no temporal, causal distinction between any of the events. They all happen simultaneously and instantly, immediately PRIOR to the event that sets them off. In such a case I have not once been able to resist the desire to then continue along that course, because by the time I realise what happend im already doing it.
i wish i could study it more closely, but since it results in/is the result of panic, i seem to be unable to make any sane observations of it. The individual episodes arent that terrifying -- they end really fast. But the knowledge that it can and will appear suddenly, and that by the time i realise its occuring iwill have already reacted poorly (inititating panic), gnaws on me nonstop.
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