Discussions By Condition: Medical Stories

my bdd ***l is there any way back

Posted In: Medical Stories 0 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • May 23, 2007
  • 09:37 AM

about 7 years ago i was the most confident person around i would go anywhere talk to anyone and be very happy with what a saw in the mirror, and very slowly over the years little problems have started to happen like i started taking more time getting ready and feeling that i had to change little things on my face, but i still was a fairly confident person untill one night around 5 years ago i was beaten up in a night club and had a cut on the bridge of my nose, after a few weeks the cut heeled and i thought i would be back to normal.... how wrong i was.
when doing things like going into the town centre i had bad anxiety attacks where i was sure people was stairing and laughing at me and i didnt know why, but the anxiety attacks then calmed down but i still used to make excuses to friends so i didnt have to go out socializing which was not like the old me.
so i decided to move away to start a fresh somewhere else and then i would be fine and happy but just weeks after moving i started to notice how my eyebrows was very thick and looked weird but i had never noticed this problem before so i spent hours and hours in the mirror trying to adjust my eyebrows so they looked normal, i would cut them with scissors and pluck them and on days where i thought they looked to light i would use my mums makeup to make them look darker just so i could leave the house and feel normal.
after a few months of being obsessed with my eyebrows i started noticing that i had horrible black marks under my eyes so i had to get makeup to cover up the marks so i could leave the house, by this time when i did go out i was so shy and unsociable i had to get very drunk to slighty enjoy myself.
i thought the only way to beat this problem i have with myself was to work with the public where i would face my fears and beat it again was a really bad decision, i worked at a local gym where i would see the public all my shift, so as the weeks went on i was trying to cover up the faults on my face while going to work suffering anxiety when walking past people and while a customer was talking to me all i was thinking is they must think i look so weird and if they didnt look me in the eyes it was because i look like a freek.
so after years of my face becoming worse and worse and more faults appearing on my face like i had blue eyes and they look weird so i bought brown contacts so i could look normal and started noticing my forehead was very big and weird, and my mouth was strangly shaped and as the time went on i have noticed alot more really freeky looking features on my face,i have seen dermatologists because i saw red marks above my eyeborws.
about 10 months ago i decided that i had to get some help because i was feeling more and more anxiety at work and there was too many freeky looking features on my face to cover up and when walking the street i would walk through stinging nettles rather than let people see my face.
so i went to my local doctor and said how i was feeling and how much of a freek i looked and was given fluoxetine (anti depressents) and singed off work for a week, since i have had cognitive behaviour therapy once a month for the last 10 months in which time i have got to the point where i cant leave the house because its to hard to let people see how much of a freek i look and i am still signed off work and on a big dose of fluoxetine which i feel only makes me tied.it feels like i have hit a brick wall and theres no way back how can i see this freek in the mirror and see everyone stairing at me if its not true. my advice to anyone who is starting to feel that there is a part of them thats not right to get help before its too late, i wish that i got some help from the beginning before it went too far. thank you for reading my story. michael

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