Discussions By Condition: Medical Stories

I just want help :(

Posted In: Medical Stories 0 Replies
  • Posted By: Joe Ondrejko
  • February 6, 2011
  • 08:58 AM

Since I was 5 years old I have seen and heard people that aren't there to anyone else, but they are there too me. It started when I saw my mom die when we were home alone. Midnight told me to stop crying and too go next door and tell them to call the ambulance. Ever since then they've been around, right now I have Joker, Torri, Harvey, Jonathan and Raven.
I have been in a mental hospital twice, once when I was 8 and again when I was 20. *currently 21 now*
Sometimes I completely black out and one of my "head people" take control. After one serious black out, I realized I was bruised all over and sore, my friend at the time told me that he had taken me to his friends house, who happens to be a drug dealer, and Joker took over when he saw the guy beating his girlfriend. From what I was told, I seriously hurt the guy. Its because of instances like this that I worry about being out in public, Joker takes over at random times and I really dont want to hurt anyone. I cant afford a therapist or anything, I'm basically homeless. I get terrified if I stay out in public for too long, I dont trust myself from hurting anyone or anyone else from hurting me.
My family worries about me because of Raven, every time she's around I become suicidal. She showed up soon after my girlfriend of 4 years committed suicide, I still miss her terribly and think of her all the time. I've been having a hard time sleeping, and when I do I have nightmares all the time. Mainly about losing my apartment. Some gang busted in the door, and threatened me and my roomates, I still havent gotten over that.
I'm just too my wits end, I dont know what too do anymore. If anyone can give me advice as too what's going on with me and where I can go to get some cheap, or free help I would really appreciate it.

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