Discussions By Condition: Medical Stories

Hello there! I need some help!

Posted In: Medical Stories 0 Replies
  • Posted By: observe
  • November 30, 2007
  • 07:36 AM

This might be long so I apologize ahead of time. Since I was about 15 (I am 24 now) I have had serious issues with a few seemingly psychological problems that seem to be getting worse. I have a problem when people try to look into my eyes when they speak to me. I start to feel physically ill when people try to make eye contact, my eyes start to dart around at an uncontrollably fast pace and I start to sweat, I feel like I'm getting hot, and I want to start crying. I am very social, I have many friends I am not afraid to speak to people, I have a job that requires me to market myself and I do well, so social anxiety doesn't seem to fit.
An example... Yesterday I went to my new doctor to have my neck looked at. My doctor, who is a Master Sargent (military doctor) is staring straight into my eyes and I started to forget what I was saying and I started to mumble incoherently, get hot, and then I stopped mid-sentence and blurted out the word "arbys" randomly. Honestly, part of me thinks it's hilarious, but at that moment I coud feel tears welling up in my eyes. I could see that she was observing my eye movements and waiting to see what I would do next. I could tell that she wasn't saying anything to help me start up again because she wanted to see what I'd do. 40 seconds pass and still we don't say anything. I wanted to run away so badly. This happens only when I feel that someone is observing my actions and not just my words, like they are trying to see if my words and actions are saying the same thing.
I feel like the people this happens with is trying to see something in me, but I have no idea what I am afraid of them seeing. I have seen therapists and while they are great to vent to, in the end I always feel like some science project for them. I feel like like because they can't directly figure it out I get put on every med imaginable and it's always like 'let's see what this med does to her' feeling with them. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated.
:)

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