Discussions By Condition: Medical Stories

Hello, my first posting

Posted In: Medical Stories 3 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • January 7, 2007
  • 01:10 AM

Hello,
I'll briefly talk about my life history.

I was born in 1958.
In 1959 at age one I was sexually assaualted by a catholic priest. At age two, a pedophile nun joined in with this pedophile priest in assaulting me.
At around age three the assaults were discovered. Unfortunately nobody wanted to help me, the integrity of the catholic church was more important than me.
At age four a natural miracle happened. I met another dissociate like myself. He was my father's age. He killed the pedophile nun for me. He ran her down with his motor vehicle. This incident occured in a small town where I lived. The police department consisted of only two police officers and the police Chief. When the Chief himself investigated the killing he discovered who done it. He was so upset with the catholic church he never made any arrests. Later, the dissociate and the Chief and me became very close with one another.
At age eight, after the many beatings this pedophile priest had endured by the hands of this fellow dissociate friend of mine and by the Chief himself(pedophiles are pathetic, they keep comong and coming back), he was finally killed. He was electrocuted with 110 volts and a bucket of water poured over him.

In 1968 the Chief died of cancer. It broke my dissociating heart. In 1970 the dissociate friend died of a heart attack. My dissociative heart was broken again. My two elderly neighbors who created this problem for me (they were dedicated church goers who unwittingly fed me to these two pedophiles), they were so concerned about their church's integrity than of my own health (they never told anybody, including my parents, about the situation), when they died it didn't break my dissociative heart.
My dissociative self was now alone by this time. Nobody knew what happened except for the catholic church and a criminal investigation record which the police Chief had recorded and placed hidden inside his personal files for my future.

In 1976 I enlisted into the Marine Corps. At bootcamp I was diagnosed with MPD.
When the Marine Corps made attempts to help me they discovered that it was too risky. Memory recalling was too dangerous, my brain would short out and this would shut down body vitals. The Marine Corps decided that it would be better to keep my problem a secret for my well being. The doctors told me I would have to overcome this obstacle a little at a time over the years, mainly when I come down with PTSD they told me.
The Marine Corps kept me though. Because of medical reasons I was unable to enlist as a full time Marine (I would forget I was a Marine and go AWOL all the time). Instead I became a reservist and my Marine superiors would contact me and trigger me, and off I went for trainings. "I'm going camping" I would tell my family. They never knew what I was doing. (I was placed in the 32nd MAU, which was the unit that prototyped and designed the 22nd MAU. In 2001, I had a reunion with some former Marine comrades. They helped wake me up. In 1990 though was when I overcame the problem in trying to recall traumatic memory. My brain convulsions no longer existed and so it was easy to reclaim memory.

Today I still have PTSD, and yes I still diisociate at times. PTSD is a hard pill to swallow, but dissociating is wonderful, I feel alive!

My problem I'm having today, PTSD is ruining me at a faster pace in my older age. It's going to kill me with stress if I don't receive the help I need. The help I need today is total relaxation. I need to get into a car and drive and explore the world. I need to slow down with my mind dwellings. I need to retire. This is going to happen soon too. The criminal investigation records which my former police Chief had hidden in his files is now open. The Marine Corps was also contacted and they are also now involved. The police and others involved with my case are being careful with me at the moment. They are coming into contact with me a little at a time slowly. I keep dissociating with them darnit!;) I did discover that the catholic church had set aside money for me years ago for compensation, and I will be getting this money within a year or so according to what I was told. I'm going to buy that car and quit my job, and yes I won't be homeless in my future.

I could have written a lot about my life here in this posting, but I don't have the grammar or time to write a book.
To explain basically about my disorder, I had so many alter personalities I can't count them. Some of them were complete personalities as like they were another person and others were simple task doers. I did have a personality that got me into trouble though. I had a vengeance personality that would not give up. It never got me into trouble with the law but it did make many enemies.

I'll talk about my life some more later in this forum, in order to try to help others.

JCK

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3 Replies:

  • PTSD sounds quite disturbing especially with your kind of trauma. Traumatic experiences can throw you into a state of suspension. Anger as well as aggitation; especially, when you don't know what to do can actually be a door to discovery. Meditation is a grand adventure that can lead to both laughter and tears. The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran has an abundance of wisdom in a very small book. I have relied upon it numerous times for insite. His words are like pictures that depart far more than the written word. In other writtings he speaks of a caged bird that remains in his cage even though the door is open. You were created by the same creator of the stars and the trees and have every right to be here and to pursue happiness as best you can so long as you do not hurt others. I am so sorry for your past experiences and hope that you have the strength and courage to overcome the hatred for those that did you wrong. Just sharing it on line with others, I am sure will open eyes to like experiences and maybe move someone to prevent this from happening to another helpless child or youth.
    dismissed 11 Replies
    • January 7, 2007
    • 04:31 AM
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  • Hello Dismissed,When I first came down with PTSD, I didn't know what it was. My Dissociative Disorders concealed what was happening. "My dissociation dumbed me". To me I thought I had discovered something which no other man had experienced. I was having illusions actually. Over time these illusions drove me to become delusional. I was at the edge of insanity. Over time I became angry, but fortunately I never became violent. I was admitted into hospitals five times, four were voluntary and the final hospitalization was nonvoluntary by the court. My first four hospitalizations I was misdiagnosed by the doctors. They diagnosed me with acute paranoia and schizophrenia. Because of the lack of help I received and the zombi induced type of drugs I was given, I became suicidal. These were the worst times of my life. The doctors I had had no practice with dissociative disorders. The fellow patients in these clinics were a bunch of whiners with no real problems, divorcees looking for pity, others upset because their boyfriends broke up with them, arrested drug pushers claiming they are addicts so in order to avoid prison, etc. One of these clinics I went there twice. Actress Judy Garland was a patient of this clinic, no wonder why she committed suicide. These clinics drove me into denial, I didn't want to ever look at a doctor again afterwards. Actually it was my fault though. My dissociative disorders was hiding my problem from both me and with these doctors. Then came the commitment by the court to a state hospital. Believe it or not it was wonderful, I was finally among patients with real problems. Then it happened, at this hospital. I dissociated and got caught in the act. What fun I had there. I discovered three other dissociates at this hospital who were very secretive about their disorder. I finked on them:cool: During this hospitalization the doctors evaluated me and discovered the potential risk due to my severe brain convulsions. They did though prepare me for the future, with hypnoses treatment. It was up to me alone to find a slow treatment in the future. The doctors I had were cool, they actually admired the dedicated friendship that my personalities had with each other. Just like when I was in the Marine Corps, I had a rational behavior when I dissociated, and I was a MPD! It was during this hospitalization that I was finally able to control my PTSD problem. Yes, meditation is excellent. It's a medicine. After thinking or talking about my past, I get vertigo. After vertigo I will relax as like I'm undergoing trench warfare. Afterwards I wake out of it refreshed. Vertigo is awful though, sometimes I think I'm going to have a stroke it hurts so bad. I have a camp at a isolated area were I will sit or lounge outside during the night. Staring at the campfire or looking up at the stars while thinking about my problem will always put me into a state of total relaxation.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • January 7, 2007
    • 05:41 AM
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  • You do have to be your own best friend. There are very few others that can know your depth of pain. It is said that the deeper the pain the more joy that you can contain . I'm not good at meditation but there was one time that I have carried around with me for many years and is a comfort to return to the memory and contemplate it again and again. Peace beyond understanding. So very simple that there are no words to describe it. May you have Peace.
    dismissed 11 Replies
    • January 7, 2007
    • 05:54 AM
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