I'm 41 and recently been going through a very trying ordeal with making decisions, if I make one , I regret what I did and redo it , this is somthing that has occured with more than just a few things, I broke up with girl friend and begged to have her take me , later that night I had regrets and could only think of the negative thoughts that go along going back .
I also had a truck I put up for sale, it sold. Than again I had regrets and called the guy up and instructed him that I couldnt do it, later I had regrets of not selling and bounced back to calling him and saying that I couldnt do that to him , that if you still wanted it , its for sale. he informed me yes, I made up a lie after realizing that I was going to sell it and told him that it got wrecked , he than was not interested in it.
I always think of this as the grass is always greener on the other side, or so they say . I am living in california now, I lived here for twenty nine years, born in Riverside and I had moved out of state, lived in Nebraska for 10 years, I always bad mouthed the weather, snow , humidity there and couldnt wait to get out, well, I got out and am wanting to go back, I cant afford a house, its too congested, I can find all kinds of bad things here to make me want to go back , not sure if its I kind find happiness or Im just depressed over life changes in general or ?????? I am afraid if I pack up and move across country again , that I will be bad mouthing where I land, I can't keep on like this, I had seeked a counseler for some help in maybe sorting out my mind thoughts , but I dont feel it working , I had also tried anti-deprssants , lexapro and now some new one that I havent yet swallowed, I am leary of taking any, but if they help , I guess I have no right to complain. I am just so frustrated with the inability to make and stick with my decisions and being happy with them.
I feel I am losing my mind, I am only 41 and feel I have a few more decades to share with this world, I am not a religious person, but I thought of seeking direction that way, dont know the first steps in the process , but maybe it will happen. god bless all and have a good day.
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