After four years of being treated with depression and whilst taking my meds down a notch...EVERYHTHING came back...but worse.
A sudden episode of anxiety during one lonely night has put me back to square one....but this time i dont think anti-depressants are a cure....its just another hassle free diagnosis for doctors isnt it. So i'll tell you my story and try to keep it breif.
-2006: traumatizing event at the age of 15 that my brain seemed to erase. After a lot of efforts i got my life together and was happier than ever.and this is why i thought it came back to haunt me in 2009 (year i was diagnosed with depression)
-January 2009: never ending nauseau, headaches, loss of apetite, food disgusted me, constant need to urinate, need to vomit but never did. I became restless, tired and stayed at home for feer of vomiting diarreah at school as i was a clean freak! After some blood tests (like hepatitis...etc) they came back relativly negative and this made me sad...every single day i was sad and scared. Anxiety soon came in, and this was the scariest part and very hard to explain: i'd be talking then a big electric bubble (like buterflies in the belly but they REALLY didnt tickle!) would make me anxious and scared i would temble and i didnt know why. I got this feelings non stop every 20 minutes and between them i was fine and i got sprouts of hope and felt like i could overcome them...until they came back which felt like i had to let something out but i dont know what
-June 2009- BIGGEST exam of my life, my physical symptoms were accompanied with mental ones. I would question my existance non stop...and other horrible ideas that prevented me from doing anything.
-July 2009 i passed my exam with one of the best results 14.5/20...but couldnt show any emotion, i was not releived like i thought i'd be. And my crying spells were increasing as i'd cry for no reason
-August 2009: I was diagnosed with depression and took a small dose of Deroxat and Remeron.
2009-2012: After a month or so of pill-popping i mircaulasly got better (althought it all felt artifical to me...i was aprehending the day it's come back) I was unable to show emotion and felt like a zombie, but would get sprouts of energy here and now and my sex drive was close to dead (sometimes i got urges though). I was not in control of my body because sometimes i'd feel depressed and sometimes euphoric (on other days i'd be good)
-January 2012: my doctor decided to take my meds down a notch
-Mai: I was under a lot of stress and after a series of very small, extremely minor stressful events (that a normal person could easily get over) i finally cracked and now ALL my symptoms are back
-Mai 7: I Consulted another psychiatrist who (after doing an eeg) told me i was not depressed, my brain was fragile(electric fragility or something) and that this is due to the fact that i'm a twin. Twins have a higher risk of being ill, in my case i'm very sensetive and have a high liabilty to be depressed....he things i should stop my anti depressants and take "tegretol" instead.
WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN.....................I'm feeling the worst i've ever felt and have lost ALL hope....please tell me this new doctor is right, that its not depression