I am a 16 years old guy. I was born in another country but i moved to canada 3 years ago.I think im not a normal person. i use to be normal like everybody with confidence in my self and who i am. now everything bothers me. i hate everything now, i think life in not fair to me. i tried so hard to become more social and to have more friends and also to have a girlfriend but im too ***n shy (my language is the excuse). If somebody told me that im ugly, i will believe him. i dont believe in myself. i try so hard to look good infront of everyone to the point i get sooo nervous thinking that everybody is looking at me. my hands sweat severly in all social situations. i also cant focus and forget stuff that i have to do in a short period of time and remeber it later like i want to turn off my computer but i forget, do my laundary today but i forget!
i always think that everybody (especially my friends) are better than me. im also really kind and i think thats the only thing that made me have some friends. i guess if i was born here, i will have a normal language and speak loud and dont care as much. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. as simple as this stuff sound, its a really huge problem in my life to the point that all i care about is to be a normal guy enjoy his life. im tired from trying to be like a normal person. all i care about is to make everyone else happy so that i will be happy. thats how simple and kind i am. i cant speak for myself and i always smile bec im too shy. you dont know how hard i tried to change myself and my personality but it just gets worse.
please tell me do i have a mental illness or its just something that will go away with some confidence?
i really hate myself, i just wish one day to wake up with a different personality .
I'm quiet, shy, anxious, depressed, etc. I can't seem to connect with people at all. I can't express this to anyone but I'm worried that I'm too weak, repulsive, unattractive, incompetent.
I really am a failure. i always screw everything up.
thanks so much for reading.i tried to be as much detalied as possible to tell me i have anything.