I just turned 17 and ever sense I could remember I've always been angry for no reason. My mom even half way jokes about it and says I've been colicy (can't spell that but you can figure it out) my whole life. She says I'm bipolar but I know there's more to it. I've been diagnosed with depressed a few years ago and quit taking it because I felt like the medication made it worse. My doctor also gave me a prescription for a higher dose but I never filled it. He warned that previous patients said they felt numb. Personally I'd rather deal with the pain on my own than feel nothing at all. Now that I look back I should have talked to someone along with taking the medication. I hate talking about this but I used to cut, pierce, or tattoo. Anything I could do to self-mutilate. It got so bad that I got very, very drunk one night and tried to over dose. That was the most immature, selfish act I could of attempted. I also had my "bad teen" streak so to say. I drank and smoked whatever I could find. I'd yell at people, steal things, spend money on pointless things (which I still do), and bounce through relationships. I even got pregnant. Sadly or fortunately, however you want to look at it, it did not go through. I lost it at 6 weeks. Long enough for me to worry about it and wonder what to do with it. At this time I was dating my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years on and off and back on again. I think this relationship was the worst. He never really seemed to care about how I was feeling and wouldn't support me for anything I set my mind to. Plainly it was a bad situation. I just recently visited the doctor for anxiety too. My mom's boyfriend has anxiety and my mother used to. They both agreed I have it and it is very noticeable that I have it too. The doctor told me to check my heart rate during my next panic attack and come back if it hits 150 beats per minute. So far it has not. A few years ago I researched BPD a little bit and thought well maybe this is what's so abnormal about me. I was just curious if this is maybe what I have.Reply Follow This Thread Stop Following This Thread Flag this Discussion
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