I just want to feel normal for more than a few hours or days or sometimes even minutes.....I've had a bad colon for 18 years but for the past four years I have been suffering like I never thought I'd suffer. I just want to go back to the days when my rearend didn't leak and I didn't have to start my day with Tylenol!
I'm 33 years old and everyone tells me "I look great" but I walk away knowing my life is soooo different from so many others. I don't take one day for granted and yearn to be healthy someday. I'm happily married to a caring man who I so often feel bad for. There are months I do nothing but cry to him.
Four years ago I was misdiagnosed. I was told by a "top doctor " that I had hemmorhoids. My pain and leakage was an abscess wrapping itself around my rectum and growing into a ball of puss the size of a grapefruit!!!! Luckily, they drained it before it burst and I've been miserable ever since. The pocket that was left behind fills and drains and continuously keeps me in pain. No one wants to tackle it because they do not want me to lose control of my anal muscle! Nice! There are days I yearn to be someone else. I spend my days and nights crying.
The older I get the more scared I become! I watch my friends have babies and laugh and play in ways I just cannot. I'm so miserable. I'm so jealous of others who have no idea what it's like to be ill. I hate that word...ill/sick. I want to feel the way people think I look. I'm just sooooo TIRED. Tired of calling doctors, tired of taking tests and having to pay for them in full because no one takes insurance, tired of being told there isn't much they can do......
I need help. I'm in the NYC area and need a good surgeon that is willing to dedicate some kind of time in helping me with this abscess that is located in a not so ordinary place. I'm so sick of taking antibiotics.....I need to talk to someone who will help. I've been all over the internet and can't seem to find anyone with similar problems. I just find it hard to believe that I'm the only with this. Please read my story and help if you can.:) :(