New symptoms since summer: Nearly-constant diarrhea, watery and bright green with undigested waste passed. Occasionally greasy thick greenish brown waste but then immediately back to watery and emerald green. This has been going on since MID JUNE. Drs say I need to consider antidepressants again as this is a sign I am "stressed". (BTW - I volunteer at the school, we sponsor a needy family every fall and care for them for an entire year, I am a twenty six year member of a 12 step program and work the 12 steps daily. I have a pretty good attitude, I feel physically like CRAP and there is "nothing medically wrong with me" or so the tests say. If I am not down on myself for my symptoms and buying into the idea that it is a choice that I live like this, then I am *****d off that I am so sick and I am suffering! If I was an animal at least I would have been put down rather than forced to suffer like this! I am not suicidal, I am out of options and being driven crazy with pain dammit!)
I have always wanted salt, but now (due to the problem with having to be near a bathroom maybe?) I crave salty, salty crackers, I try to eat fruit or veggies and they taste awful without salt. I worry about eating so much salt. My cholesterol numbers are high now and I am sure it is from so much salt. Eating meat makes me feel ill. If I eat salty crackers (like Chicken in a Biscut - or uigh I am ashamed to admit I will make my own! dip saltines into chicken boullion in a jar, what is wrong with me?) but I wake up craving salt so badly, I can barely stand it and that is when I usually just give up and eat something really really salty. I do crave chocolate sometimes, but usually I can divert my own cravings (offer myself chocolate if I eat an apple for example) but what works for sweets is salty things and when I begin to eat salty stuff I crave more and more salt!
I run a fever, 99-99.5, sometimes even higher 100.5-101. Unexpectedly the temp will veer down to 96.5-and even all the way down to 95.9. The worst part of this is that it is disconnected from my experience of temperature, I can feel cold and have a "normal" 98.4 reading, or a "normal" 97.5 reading, then check again later on and be running a 100 degree fever. I am almost always extremely tired, so exhausted that it requires a running internal cheerleader to keep going. Of course occasionally I have a fever at the Drs and it is discounted as a "bug", often in the am I have a 100 deg fever but by mid afternoon it is down and vice versa. For myself, I do not care what anyone says, being at 97-96 degrees is almost as bad as feverish in terms of weakness and dizziness.
Oh yes, dizziness. I have Meniere's now, at least I was diagnosed with it as of last spring. According to one of my Drs who does seem to believe me, I may have a whacky autoimmune system and this might be one more way my autoimmune system is attacking me, same as my thyroid, but nothing can be done to change it. (When I'm dizzy it feels truly like i am on an amusement park ride, it is bad and it is **always** sudden). My hearing is supposedly not affected, the audiologist said that the high and low notes do not register right, but otherwise my hearing is in the normal range. I turned to writing music as an alternative to retail as my second career. (Now that my pitch is gone I am looking for a way to start over again, but what kind of career can I have when I am sitting on the pot for fifteen, twenty times or more a day?) Meniere's is what they decided I have, but due to the way that I heal I do not want them to try tubes in my ears and risk losing hearing altogether. I don't heal right.
I had my uterus removed and a tumor removed from the fascia between the uterus and bladder in 2001 - and then they cauterized and recauterized the incision site because it was painful and kept bleeding. The cauterizing was agony. I could barely stand after about sixteen of these outpatient visits. After 10 months I insisted that my old OBGYN examine me, and had laporoscopy to investigate... he discovered they had cauterized away almost my entire right ovary. WITH NO ANESTHETIC, OVER AND OVER. The Ob GYN removed the other ovary (caught in the mass of cauterized tissue) and most of the "granular" tissue. The site still bleeds when I walk too much or overdo, but at least I am not being tortured If I let a Dr examine me now.
I am blessed with great kids and although I am whining right now usually I try to say only nice and happy things so most people do not realize that something is wrong with me. I am worried though, there are times when I realize that I cannot sustain more than two days of being up and around anymore, what would I do if my dear husband ever got tired of this and left me? I am sick of me and I know that I would do anything to change this, I live in this body and I still think that it is a matter of willpower.
It isn't, or this would be gone. It has taken me many many hours to write this, but I managed. I get dinner on the table every night and I am told it tastes awesome. When my pitch started to go and the dizziness had not really begun to be disabling I began writing recipes and I am told they are good tasting so I have a way to support myself. I am just so frustrated with medicine! Acupuncturists say I have extreme wind sickness and must completely start over and that my adrenal glands are completely spent, but surely if my adrenals were spent I would be in hospital. We do not have the $$ to spend on alternative therapy anymore, but I do Reiki every moprning and night and I am willing to try anything at this point that makes sense.
Does this sound like anything anyone has ever heard of? I am very very stiff, esp in the neck and hips, but only take flexeril when I cannot turn doorknobs, etc - maybe ten times a month at most. I do take tylenol most days, but I make sure that I do not take it more then eight days or so in a row, usually I just crawl into bed and try to be still for a few hours until the pain eases up, so that my system has a rest. My hubby is constyantly yelling at me that I do not reach for medicine more, but honestly it doews very little good so why bother? On a scale from 1 to 10 I would rate it most days this month at an 8, but the last few nights I'd rate it a nine, nine point 3, I knew it was making it worse but I had to make noise it hurt so bad so I went to the garage to sleep.
At this point I feel like a stray animal. Seriously. I have claws, not hands, I endure my life I don't live it. Please tell me what test they have missed. I am hoping against hope that this sounds like something to one of you.
PS - I realize that there are much worse off people than me, and I apologize if this offends anyone. I know that I can see, have the ability to eventually get where I want without help, and I can function with effort. So I know many more have it much worse. Wanted to add my sed rate is 18 last time, it was hi the past two times, 38 and then 40 or 41. My dr thought that was important but we did nothing new. Help!!
Thanks for listening.
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