I am truly beginning to feel that this disorder is being far too readily diagnosed in one visit to the doctor's office.
I have been diagnosed bipolar.
It sounds like I am in denial about my disorder right?
The first time I was diagnosed, I was a depressed 22 year old. My doctors said we think you may be a little bit bipolar, and prescribed my a typical antipsychotic, Paxil, and Depakote.
They accidentally sent me to the wrong section of the hospital- the drug ward.
There I was accused of reeking of alcohol. They accused me of hearing voices where I heard none.
When I got the doctors notes (7 yrs later) my history wasn't even recognizable. It wasn't even my history. They lied and just pinned a history on me.
Years later I went through a few psychiatrists who could not see bipolar. I had one doctor who tried to get me on a regiment of mood stabilizers while she only had diagnosed me socially phobic. I had asked her about the mood stabilizing class of drugs, and without hesitation she was writing up a scrip, saying that she wants me to take X drug, and if it fails I have to keep taking it for 3 months before I try the next mood stabilizer. I became non-compliant, and I decided that I was better off not seeing her. When I went back to fire her, she pulled another physician in on our session, and before I could even say anything, she turned to the physician and said I was Bipolar II with ADHD.
I was floored. When I asked her how she came up with this diagnosis, without seeing her for 3 months, and with it being very clear in our discussions, she didn't think I was Bipolar- she claimed my hospital stay 13 years ago says I was, so that makes me Bipolar
I re-iterated with her where she saw Bipolar disorder in me; she said she didn't see it.
I fired her, after I got a referral to CBT.
I spoke to psychiatrists: many could not understand where I got diagnosed bipolar. They were shocked that my last doctor would try to shovel meds at me used to treat bipolar, when I had primary anxiety only.
I went to see a doctor. I was in CBT. I did a full questionnaire. It turned up inconclusive; this was thoroughly discussed with me. The doctor said I don't have full signs or symptoms, or flashing sign over my head that indicated me as being a depressive, adhd, or bipolar, but they may treat me in whatever way they think will alleviate my symptoms.
I was satisfied with that. The report was sent to my doctor and it indicated I have bipolar spectrum disorder, and was unwilling to treat it. Parts of the report seemed over embellished particularly on the section on my sleep habits.
I was infuriated, because the doctor couldn't be honest to my face, and painted me as if I was "non-compliant" when the issue was they were not communicating honestly with me, and they diagnosed me in a totally underhanded way.
I struggle with anxiety primarily. I sometimes struggle with leaving my apartment, but all in all, I function reasonably well.
I want to stop feeling shy at parties.
I have been criticized for not taking medication for it. Perhaps this is why I am not taking my medication.
It's okay to be a little bit screwed up. These are just "behavioral meds" with side effects, and no cure.
The report was sent to a new psychiatrist. I explained my dissatisfaction at being diagnosed ridiculously.
I stated that I often felt anxious and it was my primary issue. I said that my anxiety affects my mood a little, making it often a little low, but not depressed.
The doctor was so sure I have Bipolar II, and because I had a history of trauma, it often causes Bipolar, and genetics causes bipolar.
I asked her how could my doctors **** up so badly if it is so clear to her? And why couldn't they just let the patient lead the way in terms of their own symptoms? Why do I feel they've acted with impunity, and dishonesty?
I asked her where are my hypomanic symptoms. She said I mentioned being up for 4 days. My reply- "I did?"
I said I was pretty sure I had just primary anxiety and she asked me what I was like when I was a good mood. I said I could be bubbly, and I am good at telling jokes. She said that's hypomania!
She was so sure. The problem is I do get happy, but it often has no cyclical pattern. It just happens for a moment.
I felt led into it. And in all honesty this business of diagnosing Bipolar is getting out of hand. I am thinking we are beginning to over pathologize everything, and act as if we have the cure for it. We most certainly ****ing don't.
My main fear is psychiatry seems to be the gateway to other mental health care, and it of course causes me anxiety.
I decided to see a talk doctor. I refuse psychiatry. And no I am not a Scientologist- I hate Scientology just as much- it's just one in the same with psychiatry. I'm just a person who feels we are not asking enough questions when doctors go around heavily prescribing drugs and labeling people with little information.
Patient Know Thyself.
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