First let me start off by etting you know that I am here typing for my friend. She has been on here for a week and has been looking to read other peoples life stories to see what people have gone through. Her story is a little different in the misdiagnosed area as she felt she was bipolar for a long time and could not seem to convince people that she was. This mornig she had completed her 24 th ECT treatment. This evening, she feels very ready to tell her story as some people believe that she is a terrible person in this forum because she gave 1 post with our (her & I) opinion trying to seek a simple conversation about one fighting to not be Bipolar and here she is, had to fight to prove she is Biploar. Here it goes, I appoligize for typing errors in advance as I am not as fast as she is at talking. Thanks in advance for reading this.
I am in my middle 30's. As a young girl I withstood sexual abuse from a relative. Mental abuse fom my fathr and phsycical abuse from an 18 yr old boy as he raped me when i was 13. In a period of a few years, my grandparents, mother, brothre and baby died. I was in my middle 20's then. And my baby was a misscarriage but I was 18 weeks pregnant. I drank and took pills as i could not get a handle on life. I nevr told anyone about the abuse as a little girl as i was always embarrased and did not want to look like a dirty girl. i held this all in until i decided to go to get help form my drinking problem. i was so very depressed. i felt so many times like killing myself. i honestly just felt like dying as i could not see one positive thing around me. well, my husband and daughter were there but in all the gloom they didn't seem too bright to me at the time. boy does that sound horrible. sorry. i have a college education and work in / or had worked in the accounting field. when i went to the hospital for help after a year of straight drinking, i was so depressed. i really got to sit and evaluate my life and myself. up to this point i guess i should tell you how i was taking every little thing out on everyone i loved. my mood would change from happy to mean in a second flat. i had a lot of anger and threw things if i did not go my way. if someone cut me off in traffic, i would want to run them down. i would stay up for days at a time and there were weekends where i would start cleaning as soon as i got home rfrom work on friday and would not stop until sunday night. at first i thought i was just trying to oocupy my brain , to take my mind of of all the horrible things that haunted me. as i accumulated all these symptoms after time and when i got to the hospital, Bipolar was mentioned to me. Thats it, I thought. That has to be me. That is what i have. I left hosp. and took a short leave from work so that i could attend an intensive outpatient program. this is where i started therapy and saw my 1dt psychiatrist. I told some of my childhood horror stories for the 1st time in myy life to people i did not even know. going to try and make this shorter. Drs put me on some anti depressents and sent me on my way. i looked more and more into the bipolar diagnosis and was sure that was me. after 2 weeks of therapy my depression wasn't lifting and the drs thought it would be best for me to go into psych ward. i took the rest of my vacation time at work. at this point was the time i really started to get serious about suicide. drs assured me that i needed some time away from my job and really need some serious therapy. i was told that there is help out there for me. that i could apply for disability and have good reason to get it. "It takes a little while" but they also informed me that help you with pay and insurance. When it came time to fill out the paper work, they called me depressed!!!!! I did not qualify for the SS! I asked what happened to the bipolar/ I thought that is what i had? They said no, we never said that. You do not seem to be that we just think you are depressed. Bull crap. I by then lost my job, soon lost my house, had to file for bankruptcy and gave up my car. after seeing 3 more drs one finally said bipolar. then the state denied me again. sent me to 2 more of "their" drs where i had to go through all of these long extensive psychological tests. Finally, i was diagnosed bipolar and got the Social Security. I had to fight and PROVE that i had this illness even though all of these medical people where there to witness my actions and only came to the "depressed" conclusion. Oh and I also heard PTSS post traumatic stress syndrome. So i lost everything i worked for . wnet through years and so many medications. the side effects sometimes caused the depression to become worse. weight gain, headaches, trembles, seizures etc. Now I am taking 12 meds a day. I had my 24th ECT treatment today. These treatments have left me feeling very dumb. My memory is all messed up and i never know what direction i am heading in. i get confused really easily. it is a shame, that had they took me seriously, as only I know myself the best. And had diagnosed me bipolar at first with their drs too, I may have not lost what my husband and i took 10 years to build up. So I hope this helps. If you feel that you are sick, DEMAND treatment or get that next opinion until you agree with the doctor. And do it quickly as the state's system seems to take forever. Now I am still not working, I go to therapy once a week i am sorta heading in the direction of not ever wanting to leave my house. But one thing I am sure of is, for my daughters sake, I am so glad I never succeeded at killing myself! Thanks for listening.
PS My friend is a really dear person. She is not a stalker and I assure you, I do most of her typing as she has broken her ar 2 weeks ago. I do not even know what that stagmatic word is or means. I am with her everyday and have read everything with her for the last week since we started. We come on here looking for others like her. Hoping there is someone out there who understands. It is very frustrating for her to try and explain her anger about this misdiagnsosi to her doctors as they all stick together and ignore her anyway. Sorry, but my friend has been dealt the crappiest hand of cards in life.
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