i find this website so interesting and its so great that people can share their stories and gain support on here.
I've had an interesting journey as an abuse survivor who was put in mental health care due to depression, anxiety, rage... all the normal disregulated emotions that come along with an abuse survivor.
In my teen years after my abuser died i had a breakdown dealing with all of the horrific abuse and feelings of losing someone someone i was supposed to love but secretly hated for hurting me
I displayed very harmful behaviour, self harm, rage, suicide attempts, extreme irritability, depression, feeling like i did not belong to my body or the world (disossiation) nightmares, feelings of impending doom, panic, the list goes on...
this was over 10 years ago and the field was not yet educated on the effects that abuse and traumatic life events have on the brain and behaviour of survivors, so of course i got the 'too hard' basket diagnosis of 'emerging' BPD at age 17
We are now however lucky enough to live in a time where mental health is now being bombarded with the studies/research of the effects that abuse and traumatic life events have on the brain and therefore our behaviour.
When you have been abused... in any way, you're brain actually changes.
There are still a lot of mental health professionals that are not trained or informed on the full effect that trauma has, so they are often diagnosed because of their seemingly 'irrational behaviour' as BPD, Bipolar, OCD or even schizophrenia in cases of severe trauma- schizophrenia is often misdiagnosed where trauma is concerned because it almost mimics DID- Disossiative Idenity Disorder caused by long term abuse/trauma.
If you have been abused or traumatised you would likely be experiencing some or all the below behaviours or symptoms:
Low Self Esteem
Isolation and alienation
Difficulty managing emotions
Sensitivity to medical procedures
Obsessive compulsive disorder
Inability to sustain positive experiences
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
LUCKILY (and i work in the welfare field now) there is a lot of information on how trauma effects our brain, behaviour and life and it can be treated by Trauma therapy and you can recover!
If you're interested in more info have a look around the internet - there are also some great documentaries on Youtube on Trauma and the brain, Complex- post traumatic stress, post traumatic stess, the effects of child abuse, dissosiative disorder etc
I would really encourage anyone who has had abuse or trauma in their life who are now having mental health issues to seek help with a trauma specialised counsellor/pscyhotherapist/psychologist
You can recover, and it's not you're fault, these feelings are behaviours are a psychological injury because of what you've experienced not because of the way you were born or the way your brain chemistry is, there is no science behind those theories, listen to science, listen to yourself most all.
Recovery is possible! I wish you well x