Ive known i have BPD for quite a time now but doctors kept on trying to diagnose me with having bipolar (3 or 4 of them, without any testing :eek: ) , thou i get no highs and my moods are usually always triggered.. emotional sensitivity and EXTREME over reactions to things/stress situations.
Last week things came to a head and I got one of my extreme over reactions to a bad trigger (relationship thing.. my partner upset me) and drove INTO and throu a shop (rather than a stobbie pole..but that was looking good too).
(so now have to go to court for property damage and driving without due care.. luckily the cops were very nice to me as they could of basically thrown the book at me for that).
Police called ambulance and had me taken away and I spent several days in mental ward for that one, which was were i actually wanted to be as I just COULDNT handle my emotional state and hence was prepared to do ANYTHING to get it to go away and stop the pain.
Finally while there.. this time finally i get to see psych. doctors and FINALLY im diagnosed with the issue I knew already I had (thou i hadnt told them about it.. I wanted to see what they came up with).. borderline personality disorder. (So finally I can get those doctors off my back who just put my mood disorder down to bipolar!!).
As most borderlines.. I can not handle relationship problems in which I believe or are, going to loose partner and will do almost anything to keep them even if it is detremental to myself. (I so often do things which are very wrong for me.. just to please parters).
Im very impulsive eg I superglued my vagina and facial lips after someone sexually upset me.
I starve myself at times.. (one time i went 7 weeks straight without eatting).. I also binge eat. These are common things in BPD. I go one further thou..at times I stop even drinking too.. once went 8 days without fluids and got bad dehydration. I only started drinking again when I became like water crazed (threw myself into a dirty pool of water and started drinking from it).
I have very black and white thinking.. and can see a person as my friend one moment..but if they do anything wrong .. I see them as my friend no more. No many inbetweens..
I self harm sometimes, I slashed a wrist only weeks back.. I also have tried to suicide at times.
At times im confused who I are.. as I try to live everyone elses expectations.. and hence others expectations make me who I are. I often dont even really know what I dislike and like.
Someone asked me if I'd have relationship with another female.. and I just dont know..as I dont know how I really feel about anything myself.
I drive recklessly when upset (I did that about 2 weeks ago.. drove at high speed, dangerously throu city swerving side to side as I was upset). (impulsiveness)
When upset.. im very very upset for up to 3 hrs.. but then completely fine again.. sometimes im only extremely upset and reactive for minutes eg maybe till a friend makes me laugh. (im reliant on my friends to help me quickly get out of triggered mood state).
Ive had derealisation at times when severely pressured.. and like start acting and being someone else.
Anyway.. just thought I'd share this part of my story. I know I had BPD as a teen but like outgrow it.. with the chronic fatigue syndrome thou I have.. well i just cant control myself emotionally anymore again.. so the BPD is back. (I also have premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) so that dont help things at all either...sets me off even worst at certain times. I got the PMDD for a year before I got the BPD back).
Im about to start DBT soon.
Anyone else here with BPD? What treatments are you on??
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