Discussions By Condition: Medical Errors

bipolar.. nope.. borderline personality disorder

Posted In: Medical Errors 1 Replies
  • Posted By: taniaaust1
  • June 16, 2008
  • 09:46 AM

Ive known i have BPD for quite a time now but doctors kept on trying to diagnose me with having bipolar (3 or 4 of them, without any testing :eek: ) , thou i get no highs and my moods are usually always triggered.. emotional sensitivity and EXTREME over reactions to things/stress situations.

Last week things came to a head and I got one of my extreme over reactions to a bad trigger (relationship thing.. my partner upset me) and drove INTO and throu a shop (rather than a stobbie pole..but that was looking good too).
(so now have to go to court for property damage and driving without due care.. luckily the cops were very nice to me as they could of basically thrown the book at me for that).

Police called ambulance and had me taken away and I spent several days in mental ward for that one, which was were i actually wanted to be as I just COULDNT handle my emotional state and hence was prepared to do ANYTHING to get it to go away and stop the pain.

Finally while there.. this time finally i get to see psych. doctors and FINALLY im diagnosed with the issue I knew already I had (thou i hadnt told them about it.. I wanted to see what they came up with).. borderline personality disorder. (So finally I can get those doctors off my back who just put my mood disorder down to bipolar!!).

As most borderlines.. I can not handle relationship problems in which I believe or are, going to loose partner and will do almost anything to keep them even if it is detremental to myself. (I so often do things which are very wrong for me.. just to please parters).

Im very impulsive eg I superglued my vagina and facial lips after someone sexually upset me.

I starve myself at times.. (one time i went 7 weeks straight without eatting).. I also binge eat. These are common things in BPD. I go one further thou..at times I stop even drinking too.. once went 8 days without fluids and got bad dehydration. I only started drinking again when I became like water crazed (threw myself into a dirty pool of water and started drinking from it).

I have very black and white thinking.. and can see a person as my friend one moment..but if they do anything wrong .. I see them as my friend no more. No many inbetweens..

I self harm sometimes, I slashed a wrist only weeks back.. I also have tried to suicide at times.

At times im confused who I are.. as I try to live everyone elses expectations.. and hence others expectations make me who I are. I often dont even really know what I dislike and like.
Someone asked me if I'd have relationship with another female.. and I just dont know..as I dont know how I really feel about anything myself.

I drive recklessly when upset (I did that about 2 weeks ago.. drove at high speed, dangerously throu city swerving side to side as I was upset). (impulsiveness)

When upset.. im very very upset for up to 3 hrs.. but then completely fine again.. sometimes im only extremely upset and reactive for minutes eg maybe till a friend makes me laugh. (im reliant on my friends to help me quickly get out of triggered mood state).

Ive had derealisation at times when severely pressured.. and like start acting and being someone else.

Anyway.. just thought I'd share this part of my story. I know I had BPD as a teen but like outgrow it.. with the chronic fatigue syndrome thou I have.. well i just cant control myself emotionally anymore again.. so the BPD is back. (I also have premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) so that dont help things at all either...sets me off even worst at certain times. I got the PMDD for a year before I got the BPD back).

Im about to start DBT soon.

Anyone else here with BPD? What treatments are you on??

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  • Hiya :)I was diagnosed with Borderline about 10 years ago, though no big deal was made of it. But I can surely relate to those little triggers, things that happen (like the shower drain stopping up) and then you're thrown into the feeling of EVERYTHING being terrible. Sometimes it's an episode of such rage, such UNBELIEVABLY OVERWHELMING feeling you can't take it anymore, and you just want to destroy something, then can be just peachy in a few hours, as you mentioned. lol. And pretty much nobody seems to understand what that intensity feels like.And the swing between idealization/dissapointment in people - yes you really like someone and feel like they're your best friend, and then one detail makes you feel like they "let you down" and then you feel "they're not really my friend. They don't care at all"Oh - another big problem I have is that whatever situation i'm in, it feels like always has been and always will be, FOREVER. A 5 minute inconveneince can feel like an eternal torture to me. And if I'm stuck in a situation for several weeks or even more, then that's it...- things will never change (or so i feel).Another thing I realized about myself is that lack of identity you mentioned, and I realized I often don't percieve myself accurately and think I have qualities I don't. For example, often when I watch a movie, by the end of the movie I feel just like the character!! This is an excessive reaction to the normal response that most people will feel - indeed a goal of the movie producer. I will feel like I have the qualities and abilities of the character (I will say, however, that I am in fact extremely talented in many areas, so I'm not talking completely unrealistic beliefs here). I don't know... it's weird, I know my own limitations and capabilities better than ever now, yet still unsure.Well, I'm not even sure just how well I fit the BPD but I think I've made a lot of progress on it. I've never taken any meds for BPD - no medication can fundamentally change it anyway. It's deeply rooted in your very existence. But, you can use your MIND. It is possible to "outgrow" borderline. For example, people are a mixture of good traits and bad traits, and traits are often quite independent. So just because someone does something careless that offends or otherwise hurts you, it doesn't mean anything at all is changed - they're still your friend. You have 2 choices, either let it slide (in which case you may be surprised how easily it evaporates!), or COMMUNICATE, and tell them that what they said made you feel bad and perhaps ask them to elaborate. Beyond that, once you can assimilate the actions of people better, you also realize that yes, sometimes there are certain people that are realistically NOT worth continuing friendship with. It's a learning process, and you become wiser about that type of judgement, whether someone might truly not really care about you or be using you. It may be rare, but does happen. I can remember a long time ago, I had almost no skill even realizing that people were taking advantage of me or being unfair. And I've also realized my OWN shortcomings in really supporting my friends.But I'm far from well. lol. I would say I've slowly shifted to primarily "avoidant personality disorder". I don't handle any type of stress well at all, and I suspect that I may be treating myself by simply removing all forms of stress possible. I never see anyone at all. The most I go out or talk to anyone is the grocery store. lol. It even makes me nervous to phone anyone - relative or stranger...I've got 3 major problems: a rare sleep disorder (non-24 circadian rhythm), some sort of fatigue syndrome, and social avoidance. Hence, I'm very depressed and it's certain that I would be diagnosed with bipolar, given the "sleep" problems, irritability, etc. Bah humbug. ANYONE would be depressed if they couldn't work, or even go anywhere before it closes at 5 p.m., and felt nervous and let down by people, and didn't have the energy to do things, and totally apprehensive about explaining WHY. Anyway, I've enjoyed the ramble.. hehe.... hey, keep away from the superglue! :p
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