Hi all. This is my first post and I just wanted to say how I admire how the people here can relate and help each other.
I'm 27 yrs old male and was diagnosed with discoid lupus 2yrs ago. The whole top of my head is covered with a rash with a spot on my cheek also and they say hair will never grow back. I used to never wear hats, now I wear hats everyday. Everybody that I know wonders why and I'm too ashamed to tell them. Since this has happened my love life (which was always good) is non existant. I'm an attractive young man and attractive women give me attention but out of my fear of my hair I push them away or don't pay them any attention, I mean some really nice women mentally and physicaly. I used to perform poetry and music but now I can't find the motivation to do the things I love. My doctor was trying to ease the tension and asked me if I was married, I said no, then he said "well I was going to say that's one thing you don't have to worry about but oh well". That kinda hurt because I feel like I will never get married or have children, things I used to dream about. I don't go to church anymore, and rarely funerals. I work in a kitchen where it's extra hot everyday and I still have to wear a hat. I go to college for electrical engineering but I always think about going to get a job and not looking presentable.
Then I feel so stupid because this is not even a life threatening matter, I mean people have real illnesses that they somehow seem to live with and stay positive through. How could I be so weak, I'm a totally different person than the person I've known my whole life. How can I keep my mental health and find other meanings to life other than starting a family and performing my art?
I don't expect any answers or replies, I just needed to get this off my chest. Other than the doctor this is the only place I have spoken about this. Thank you.