Discussions By Condition: I cannot get a diagnosis.

What Is Wrong With Me

Posted In: I cannot get a diagnosis. 8 Replies
  • Posted By: Mystic_Rain
  • May 5, 2007
  • 06:33 AM

I would like to know if anyone has any advice for me. my doctor has reciently diagnosed me with an alchol dependancy and boderline personality disorder. I am very suiciadal for reasons i am not sure of. I had a very tramatic childhood. now i feel like my world is falling apart. It seems that i have these brief periods when life is going good and by this i mean im happy, i can function in society, i can consintrate at work, then i snap, i do things i normally wouldnt do ( example: i was totally against crack and anyone who did it. I helped my younger brother kick his addiction. only to last summer start doing the highly addictive drug myself) I was not happy with my actions and i cant pinpoint why i choose these very risky options. This is just one example of many more high risk behaviors that i have chosen over the past 9 years. Then i go through this period when i build myself up, i straighten myself out, i get a good job, things look good for a few months, then bang downward i spiral, ill start feeling depressed, unhappy with my life, the scary thing is its getting progressively worse. i was hospitalized last october for a suicide attempt, the doctor really didnt care about anything i told her, i actually had to have a nurse come in my meetings to tell her that something really was wrong. She was nice enough to put me on serequel and tell me that i had bipolar. i was attending interation groups and things seemed to be going well so they sent me home. when i went to my follow up appointment she said she wasnt sure what was wrong with me, i didnt need to go to the interation group, i just need counciling. so i went to councling things seemed fine then one night while staying at my moms i went to go and buy cigerattes at midnight the next thing i remember was like i was waking up and i was downtown standing at the bus stop and it was 11 in the morning the next day. My mother lives several miles from downtown. I had flashes that i stabbed someone and swore i could see blood on my hands and clothes. I took the bus home and my boyfriend took me back to the hospital. My doctor was on holidays and another filled in, he said i was having a psycotic episode and put me on effexor and respiradone. i was there for two weeks when i was sent home, that night my jaw locked and went to the emergancy where i was given a shot, i was instructed by my doctor to go off all medictaions. I felt fine and nothing was really discussed. The pattern of the ups and downs started again and i felt completly screwed up, i became very suicidal, i cut my wrists to the point i needed stitches they sent me home. Then this last time i took my moms heart medication. they sent me to a different hospital and i hoped that this time i could get some real help. I was let down again. The doctor told me that i didnt have bipolar that i had a substance abuse problem and borderline personality disorder and anxiety ( this she got in the ten minutes that i talked to her) i was only admitted for the weekend i was put back on effexor because i thought it worked and she asked me what i thought would help me. I started the medication That thursday, friday i went to my moms birthday party at 11 i came home but was feeling very confused and dizzy my boyfriend wasnt home and had the keys to the house. i stayed im our old truck in the back of the house until sunday morning when he came home. i slept most of the time felt to confused to walk back to my moms or to even call someone for help. i also didnt eat or drink. i slept all sunday and most of monday to. I can recall very little of the weekend and feel like a day is missing somewhere. i chose to go off the effexor after that. now i am starting to have this feeling of something bad happening, this impending doom. i am easly startled, my heart starts racing. I dont understand why all this is happening to me. things seem like there getting worse.
It would be appreatiated if anyone could offer any advise because i dont understand what is happening to me and doctors dont seem to be doing anything. Ive diagnossied by three different doctors all with three different diagnosis. As for the medications that i have been given, I feel that they have made me worse, or have done nothing.
thanks

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8 Replies:

  • Your whole post tells me that you are sane, and a wonderful person. I do know some psychotic people over here, and I agree that by this time, they need their meds. I was bipolar and psychotic at one time, but I just needed mystical insight, which fortunately I was given, timely and good enough for me. You will not find a psychiatrist with mystical insight, and it appears you will not find a doctor that knows which physical imbalances may be adding to your problems.It could be as simple as hypoclycemia (low blood sugar). Try this: through the day, every hour, eat a bit of cheese and about 15 raisins - always protein and carbs together. Never eat much, but frequently. In between, snack on peeled apples, only a quarter at a time. Eliminate ALL simple sugar, artificial sweeteners, processed foods, sweet carbonated drinks, candy etc. In 3 days you will feel better and have less bipolar. Add homeopathic Resque Remedy or Nervuton, Vitamin-B12 (complex), Omega-3 (salmon oil) and of Vitamin-C take 1000 mg (slow release).I'm impressed with a site I found, www.westonaprice.org/askdoctor/ - I recognise easy tips there that I've been told but have forgotten again. Such as fermented bran, the secret of many healthy Africans. Be sure to read this one: www.westonaprice.org/soy/complaints.html whole page (!) and elsewhere http://thyroid.about.com/cs/soyinfo/a/soy.htm .. There is a lot of soy in commercial bread and many other products.Psychiatry is like jail, it merely maintains totally lost cases. You need not be lost, you can decide to be sane. Even the worst psychotic or schizophrenic can decide that, if they wanted to. In practice though, if we don't want to, we can't. We need a better reason than fear. Dr Ronald Laing discovered that if you treat them right, they can be sane. Problem is, society will not treat them right. You started well, but were disheartened.One way to obtain support is to read. Begin with the book "A Course In Miracles (ACIM)" - bookshops know it well. Don't believe it is difficult, just read. And you are correct about impending doom, there is a traumatic polar shift on the way. This only happens every 3657 years, and the previous one was not so severe. Try to live long enough that you may experience this adventure. Many people will go insane then, and will need your help.Please, also read posts 4 and 5 in this thread: http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=11185:D
    Curly Stooge 319 Replies Flag this Response
  • I've felt the same way...believe it or not...crazy without being crazy PLEASE visit www.ahummingbirdsguide.com I thought much of it was in my head now finding out it is neurologialaffects brain cellsbrain stemfrontal lobe of brain responsible for emotions and personality traits it's weird but it's real...I live it Please go to sitePLEASE read where I've posted you will see the pattern...you are not alone...Best to you...mommy cat
    mommy cat 1654 Replies Flag this Response
  • Thanks for some of the info, Curly i appreciate the info on proper food and what not, i consider myself very healthy and i eat that way most of the time. I have no caffeen because it cause mas migranes and has since i was a small child. Sugar too makes me sick so i tend to stay away from it as much as possible. I do indulge in some candies once in a while but in very small ammounts. To mommy cat, im glad im not alone, i read your site. I dont think i have anything wrong with my brain, because i have had brain scans because i had suffered from migraines that numb whole sides of my body, and ive had them since i can remember. They tell me its stress. I feel totally useless to my family, somedays i feel like i have energy, i feel like cleaning, i feel happy, just to have the next day totally opposite, im grumpy, angry. I have also started to feel very pariniod. Anything scares me, and not ooh i feel scared , like jump up and almost hit the roof and pee in my pants scared, from simple things as my partner taping me on my shoulder. feel free to ask questions thanks to all advice
    Mystic_Rain 1 Replies Flag this Response
  • There can be many causes, even together. The best and cheapest cure is in our thoughts. Something triggers a downward spiral, but we don't need to follow through - we can look at it from above and smile. Psychiatry demands that people must feel good at all times, in a specific style and without effort, since that idea will sell their pills. But note I'm not saying "be strong", no, rather be weak, and smile. It is a lot of effort to be depressed, angry. We think we should act on our feelings, but nobody has the right to expect it. For example, it will not help to get angry when we get the flu, it will only make us worse.Some Dr Robert Anthony quotes:"Courage is simply the willingness to be afraid and act anyway.""Hope is the expectation that something outside of ourselves, something or someone external, is going to come to our rescue and we will live happily ever after.""You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can't have it.""Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.""We will never become what we could be by remaining as we are."Consider your name: "Mystic Rain" - why not be that? Don't look to alcohol, other people, pills. It is more blessed to become a supplier instead of a consumer. We can CREATE sanity, out of nothing, it is easy. You have come a long way towards this already, more people should do it. I have been there, I have had to discover it. See what Gyalwa Longchenpa said at http://www.beliefnet.com/prayeroftheday/prayer_one.asp?pid=1824The power is in our thoughts, we need to be more aware of our thinking patterns. Sometimes two people fight and a third (trained) person successfully applies conflict management. This often works, even though many are involved. For important background info, please read this long post - www.harusami.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2159&sid=e922a40f80b780e62fe1fe550d8217b6 (all of it) and also http://www.zetatalk.com/science/s40.htm - these are not about your problem, but you will see that the basics are the same.If you did not think, you could not become depro or angry. To be a problem, the feeling requires a response. Next time, smile and say, "I know you, bad mood, I see you." Then wash the dishes, and take credit for that. No time to waste on bad moods. I also jump and fear for no reason, but I smile at it. To repeat, this is the EASY way. What do the causes matter? Why go back to nursery school? The past is dead, it was just a temporary inconvenience. We have no moral duty to keep it alive. Why build yourself up? You are already perfect, and always have been.Make a list of what you like, and new things you can try. Alcohol and pills are just not good enough. Find a pro body massage place, and have one every week. Study your reactions. If you like it, admit it. If not, why not? Those that do pro body massage are altogether, almost "politically" in favour of it, and have it done on themselves as well. Observe, perhaps there are two sides, your thinking and theirs? Perhaps you will sense a duty to join them, and give in to their way of being in the world. Also, learn how to do massage - then you have one more thing to offer the next boyfriend.Sorry, I had to write too fast now - feel free to ask questions :D
    Curly Stooge 319 Replies Flag this Response
  • dear mystic...they said my brain was fine too...now I'm having stroke-like episodes, almost fainting, short term memory loss ect............. please know you don't have to have every sx to have this disease I wrote to a guy who had one symptom....after looking at hummingbird site, he realized he had 2/3 he took info to doc and I'm waiting to hear back............... Please look at site again and understand there are thousands on this site alone with similar sx Look around site where I've posted...you will find hundreds with same/similar problems I'm here if you have more questions Know there was an outbreak of this in the 80's I think tha I, my cousin, sister in law and her sister all have ME sx Our mothers all diagnosed with FibromyalgiaME is Myalgic Encephalomyelitis...see the connection??? Doc says he can't rule out possibility of Fibro being a mild form of ME it's everywhere...won't be long before it's all over media..mommy cat
    mommy cat 1654 Replies Flag this Response
  • Even if it is M.E. - you still need a way to cope, as it is "incurable". Two more good reads: http://www.zetatalk.com/beinghum/b45.htm and http://www.zetatalk.com/orientat/o23.htm
    Curly Stooge 319 Replies Flag this Response
  • Curly...you are so right...I hope you continue to spread your knowledge far and wide in this forum with someone like you, we all will be able to find out how to "cope" Thank you once again and keep it comin' mommy cat
    mommy cat 1654 Replies Flag this Response
  • mystic...one more thing...for a long time I've been thinking my mind was being "EATEN" weird things like you describe...jumpy...happy one day...really down the next severe mood swings...rage, grief, anxiety, depression I'm 38 and until this past year...my mind was sharp...friends are jealous...I have (had) a photographic memory...really Please look into ME again and there appears to be an epidemic/pandemic Thanks for listening(reading) Be Well...mommy cat
    mommy cat 1654 Replies Flag this Response
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