I really don't know what to do, I've never seen a professional although I have thought about it many times. I thought this all would go away but it never has and i'm desperate for someone to point me in the right direction.
I have terrible paranoia about pretty much everything. I was always paranoid as a kid but it's got worse since then. I get paranoid that my boyfriend is cheating, that i'm being watched or followed, that i've heard something or someone, that something is going to happen things like that. But it dictates the things I do, i'll remember people's faces in case they do something to me, i'll remember the number plates of dodgy looking cars. If I go out i'll be wary of people, even my own friends, I watch my drinks and my handbag like a hawk and take them with me everywhere even if i'm with people I can trust, I won't flag down black taxi's, when I get in an ordered taxi I remember the person's face and the car number , the list is endless. I'm constantly wary of people and suspicious of just about everything.
I get really angry over minor things and get violent. I lash out and throw things and cry and scream uncontrollably. It's getting progressively worse and i'm scared i'm going to hurt someone, this kind of thing seems to go on for longer before I calm down. I feel so stupid afterward and angry at myself for losing it that i've resorted to self harm on many occasions.
More recently I've started feeling anxious randomly for no apparant reason. Like a forboding feeling and really panicky. I was telling a person I work with how sometimes my heart beats funny, like it speeds up and feels like it's thudding against my chest and makes me feel dizzy. My breathing doesn't seem to change though like I'd been doing exercise or something, it's like someone has jumped out and scared you. She said this sort of thing had happened when she had a break down of some sort.
I don't know if all this is me being stupid but i'd really like to know. I'm sure your busy people but i'm desperate and scared about what I might do. I just need someone to point me in the right direction. Please help me, thanks for your time.