About 6 months ago, at night, I started having what I would later learn to be "delusions." I'd be utterly scared of, well, hallucinating. I'd have a specific scenario set out in my mind of a hallucination, and I'd be extremely scared it would happen, that I'd have to call someone up and sit with the light on and talk to them for a couple hours before I was able to go to sleep. It wasn't late at night, around 9-10 ish, the normal time I'd go to bed. This happened a couple nights a week for a couple of weeks.
It subsided for a couple of months, but has recently come back. Now I lay awake at night with the light on and my music playing, trying to do anything to take my mind off my fear of hallucinating. More recently, I've started to see my walls / ceiling moving, just a tiny bit, usually when I breathe in and out. Just sort of get bigger / smaller, not moving as if they were alive or anything like that. Not only that, but I often get up out of my room because I feel like I hear a TV on somewhere, or some people talking outside, but upon further inspection, nothing is making the talking-noise, as if I am hearing voices. None of the conversations I hear are understandable, just the sound of people talking downstairs or on a TV in a different room.
The past couple nights, I'd be laying in my bed trying to absorb my brain in thoughts other than this irrational fear, and I'd hear my thought's outloud. And it would not be myself speaking them, or really anyone speaking them.
I have no idea what's going on. I was once diagnosed with depression and OCD, but both were mild. I told my doctor about these experiences a couple months ago, and he wanted to get me in to see a psychiatrist. The reason I disagree with that is because I already know this is an irrational fear. During the day I can reason through everything, and it sounds stupid when I think about it. But at night when this happens (and although it generally happens every night, but the severity differs drastically), I can't rationalize through it. It's more like an innate, unlearned fear, something I can't control. It's like I'm scared but I don't know why, and I've found hallucinations to be scared of, so whenever I get scared I blame it ont he hallucinations. I think that's the best way I can describe this. Anyone have any idea what in the world is going on??
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