Discussions By Condition: I cannot get a diagnosis.

Very scary symptoms. please help

Posted In: I cannot get a diagnosis. 3 Replies
  • Posted By: rob1979
  • April 28, 2007
  • 11:27 PM

hi i am desperate for some help as i do not know what is going on with me and to say its scary is an understatement!!

i'm a 27 year old male and since i was sixteen have had panic attacks. they have been up and down over the years in severity, from being under control and not having them for a year to 2 years then having it so i am housebound for a year too scared to walk further than the local shop! this happened in 1999 and after that i recovered quite well. - i was actually diagnosed with anxiety + depression and ocd (thoughts not ritualistic actions) but really horrible thoughts.

I was ok up until about two years ago the panic attacks came back again - with an incredible vengance and were completely unbearable this put me housebound again for a while i managed to snap out of it a bit but it was like it kept morphing into symptoms i havent had before which leads onto now - - - -

it started last october/november. i had this obsessive fear i was going to die by having a heart attack or pass out and die, to the point where it was stopping me from doing everything and my girlfreind - bless her has suffered because of this. we cant do much because i cant go anywhere we have to plan alot into going shopping or seeing friends. i went to the doctor and they prescribed me citalopram - 2 weeks ago ----this brings me to my current problem

when i started taking the ciprimil my panic worsened extremely and ocd thoughts started coming back but i also started to feel really REALLY weird. the fear of having a heart attack isnt there anymore because i would rather die than go through this - sadly ironic eh! i have been getting this overwhelming fear of losing my mind, losing control, harming myself or others. i sometimes wonder whether i am me. things sometimes dont seem real. i have wanted to tie myself to the bed because i think i will lose control and go on a killing spree and do horrible things, but i have never harmed anyone in my life!! i get intense fear but also i get anger in me that seems like it was just put there!! in some ways it feels like i am possessed!! when i get these feelings i try to hurt myself to make it go away and also i feel so guilty aboout having these thoughts i wonder if i am capabale of such attrocities and whether i am a bad person, alot of the times i hate myself. i really dont feel right.

i told the doctor all of this and he prescribed something different metazapine i think its called. it has calmed it down a bit but it is still there. i cant go on living like this and suicide is becoming more and more appealing to me i feel like i have given up i cant fight this the only thing i can do is distract myself as best i can but it never goes away for longer than an hour at most, and it is worse when it gets dark at night. i cant watch scary films or anything violent because i feel stimulated by it in a very fearfull way, and cant seem to break away from it afterwards. i find it difficult to go anywhere near knives or anything like that. i sometimes feel like i am in a horror film and im the killer or something.

i cant talk to anybody about this for obvious reasons!! and its hard posting this up.

i am trembling as i write this

the doctors dont seem to be interested in me can someone please help me out?? what is this??

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3 Replies:

  • Rob...go to www.ahummingbirdsguide.com go to symptoms page at the bottom of first paragraph is a link to a summary of symptoms...write down every sx you have. If there are several, print article and take to dr with you...good luck...mommy cat
    mommy cat 1654 Replies Flag this Response
  • ive just checked out those symptoms and it looks worryingly accurate especially on the cognitive side of things!! the problem is when you look on the net theres a million and one things a problem can be which makes you feel even more lost. is it worth getting an MRI scan, just to rule things out? will doctors let you have one if you request?
    rob1979 1 Replies Flag this Response
  • Hi Rob,Major depressive panic attacks are one of the hardest symptoms for people to handle. The fact that you have a girl friend, have been going to the doctor, and have written here, suggests that through all this horror, you are finding a way to take care of yourself, at least a bit. That is a really good sign.You mention seeing a doctor, but you don't say what the doc's specialty is. While there might be a physical reason behind your symptoms, if you don't get the terrible feelings under control, you won't have enough energy to deal with anything physical. So my advice would be to start with a psychiatrist, for a very different set of meds. And if the doc you have been seeing IS a psychiatrist, then I heartily suggest you find one that is willing to listen to you closer.Did you try the meds that worked years ago, this time? If you did, what happened? If you didn't, why not?If you get really beyond the ability to deal with how terrible you feel, go to the hospital. Even if they will only admit you for "suicidal tendencies" at least they would have to deal with you! Meanwhile, it might be reasonable to have your girlfriend remove all the sharp things from your home, so that you can at least relax on that count.And for goodness sake, stick to watching comedies and happy things on TV!!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
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