Good evening and thank you for your interest.
I am a 20 year old male and weigh 168lbs.
I typically smoke 10 cigarettes a day and endeavour to ensure minimum alcohol consumption as the withdrawal heightens my already debilitating anxiety.
I’m sorry if this turns out to be rather lengthy even though I’m trying to focus on the most debilitating symptoms I possess.
I first recall the following symptoms occurring approximately six years ago. They came upon me instantly during a class I was attending at school. It began with cold flushes, tremors and a very pronounced chill along my spinal column, followed by extreme disorientation and physical weakness. Ever since this moment I have suffered with a perpetual sense of unease and physical weakness without yield. My most hindering symptoms are as follows:
This is the most prevalent. This is what has spoilt my life for the past six years. Basically it is with me twenty four hours a day, each and every day. I have a severe weakening in cognitive functioning to the point where of my own accord I cannot recall what I’ve done yesterday (yet should someone remind me I’ll remember straight away), I’m devoid of all emotion, I cannot concentrate or socialize and I’ve gone beyond living in ***l. I have all the symptoms of a typical anxiety sufferer and more, to the point where I would be deeply sceptical as to whether this is actually psychological. There’s no reason for me to feel paranoid or self-conscious. I don’t harbour any delusions nor do I retain any recurrent illogical thoughts. I’ve endured CBT, countless psychiatric consultations and various medicines (that have done more harm than good) each to no avail. The most noticeable effects of this anxiety are:
*Eye lock: My eyes have become very sensitive to the light over the last number of years and when during those rare times when I venture out my eyes will literally lock and blur. I cannot move them and my perception of depth/distance is severely thwarted. Wearing sunglasses helps considerably, but I can’t wear them when they’re really needed such as in college. Also, it rains a ridiculous amount it Ireland.
*Twitching: Twitching of the muscles occurs everywhere, so I won’t list the locations but the most frustrating is in the muscles on the back of my neck (at least I think that’s where they’re originating from). These send my whole head into a three second ‘tremor’ of sorts which is immediately followed by an intense hot flush.
*Confusion and Apathy: …of epic proportions. I went into college this afternoon to hand in some assignments and after the staff member took them from me and put them away he asked me which classes they were for so he could record the details on the computer and I couldn’t remember. Nor could I write my signature, talk or properly balance myself. I’m quite confident that man now believes I am a drug addict.
*I also have a history of depression, which arose due to my ‘anxiety’ issues and having been met with the vexing prospect of never being cured of this affliction after trying a multitude of treatments. The result of having both depression and anxiety sent me into a 10 month bout of ruthless depersonalization which ended in December of last year. This however was a blessing in disguise because my depression left with it, yet I’m still ‘anxious’ and I fear the depression is creeping back. I cannot go through another bout of depersonalization once again. I simply cannot.
Stiff Joints: Self explanatory, but again this is also very intense. They cause me extreme difficulty in walking; as if I can’t lift my legs properly; as if there isn’t enough power being exerted to the muscles.
Abdominal Pulsation: This is highly disturbing and exceptionally evident. It’s constantly apparent, yet worsens during periods of heightened anxiety. Roughly eight years ago (before the anxiety, muscle and joint issues) I noticed that this pulsation actually runs throughout my whole body, but it seems to stem from the abdominal area where it is most notable. I came to this realisation when I was reading a book and I noticed my arms were moving back and forth as I was holding the book as if I was deliberately moving the book outwards from my chest and then back in. I then found that the same involuntary movement can be seen when I cross my legs and the leg that’s resting on the other can be seen to ‘bob’. My head also makes this same movement.
All of which ushers forth the question…what in the world could cause all this?
Its quite possible that I may have left out some important details here so if and when they do spring to mind I’ll edit the post at a later date.
My apologies if this was in any way incoherent; I feel remarkably stressed and frustrated at this particular time and my mind is slightly muddled.
Thanking you for your time and in advance, for your advice.
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