hi guys..since I want much possible help from you guys I will make this very
Extremely stressful work condition - Led to alot of booze, cigarette,
marijuana ( *I was very bad at dealing with stress*-I was running a business
at such a young age( 19- family business )
At the mean time was also anxious and depressed of going away from home to
-At the dorms I hated it led me to more marijuana abuse, often stayed at
friends house to sleep over. At the time I was using strong strain of
-I had a paradoxical effect on marijuana one day when my friend told me to
leave his house while I was very very extremely high on weed. My
subconscious did not want to leave his house because of my hate towards
dormitory, my mind tripped out and I had a scary seizure moment and went
through an extreme guilt trip.
-This trip causes me to vow to never smoke again, nor drink or smoke.
-When I quit I felt extremely depersonalized, eating, looking in the mirror
would give me a panicky feeling and my mind was constanly racing along with
gut wrenching depression. Depersonalization scared me I could not go to
sleep because I literally felt crazy. My vision was very F**ed up and i
became extremely anxious and "felt" paranoid ( not thinking someone will
kill me type ) however because of my current mental state.
-For 3 Month I felt very bad, could not concentrate on anything, constant
racing thought from depersonalization, felt unreal, my gut was literally
wrenching. I guess it was a severe withdrawal from cigarette and
marijuana...The "feeling" of zoned out got me severely depressed.
-Thing cleared up a little as I was engaging in school I was improving
-One day I got extremely stressed over an essay and became extremely hot
headed..than from than my neck pain begin.
-Ever since than I suffered from tingling sensation of back of my neck, a
feeling like someone is "tickling" your nerves; a* sensation that caused me
to become literally insane and extremely suicidal from than on I would wake
up feeling suicidal due to the excruciating sensation and that miserable
feeling will last for everyday.*
-This pain leads me to marijuana abuse once again; a merry go around cycle
although marijuana relieved my symptom it made me depersonalized and gave me
the "paranoid" feeling all over again.
-The pain lasted 4 month I became reclusive, once again I felt zoned out of my mind because of extreme stress, extremely depressed, racing thoughts, and just feeling crazy.
-I quit school and work because of the unbearable physical and psychological
-Finally get an diagnoses for my neck- a "disc"
-My neck becomes healed, but I still felt d/p'ed, feeling of paranoia and
racing thoughts and overall feeling of "unwell".
-Went to psychiatrists labels me as bipolar
-I get an extreme adverse reaction to psych meds- absolute mental
torture for 3 months ( I have no idea how I survived it )
-Quit the drugs sends me into devastating withdrawal
- No more D/P or paranoia, no anxiety
- My visions is now 110% I no longer feel Desensitized or Depersonalized
- *Feeling extremely sad, confused - triggered by gut wrenching feeling ( 24 /7 , burning sensation, below my chest above my abs* ( I am not sure if this feeling is triggering my bad mood, or vice versa )
- Extreme Fatigue
- Back Pain
- Just Miserable
I didn't mean to be this long but help would be appreciated
I am planning to take an hormone test tomorrow..hopefully that shows
*Sigh any help would be appreciated please*