Well, I am a 26 year old male, and I ride BMX (Stunts on bicycles) for a living. Because of my lifestyle, I do constantly sit (As my profession would dictate I do so as well as my general laziness, so I am guessing it is hemorrhoids). I would go to a doctor, but there isn't any medical plans for appearing in BMX videos, so I would at least like to be able to go to the doctor and give him an idea where to start the diagnosis, as to limit the cost (As if it is hemorrhoids, I can get some over the counter medicine for that). Also, bear with me as I am from NY, and as I am writing this I too am laughing my **s off by reading some of this (It just sounds funny...)
From my anus hole (I figured this would be better than my alternative) running up as a straight line up until my testicles I have a very bad rash like infection. It does feel like burning and itching (Sometimes simultaneously, sometimes only burning, other times only an itching feeling), it is seriously sensitive to the touch, and chaffing (Skin peeling, like what you get from a sunburn) occurs on a decent portion of my anus (If you know what and where your "gooch" is, that is exactly where it occurs). But the only reason I am not sure if this is hemorrhoids or possibly something else is because I also have chaffing of my testicles (On the under part of it for the most part, leading to a basic straight line of irritation up until my anus hole).
Also, it doesn't always hurt. When it hurts it's like ***l, but at times I am OK, even perfect. Other signs are it does get wet which when wiped it feels basically like sweat to me, but I am not exactly sure. I guess I can assume it is a puss type liquid, but it doesn't really have an odor, and as far as I can smell, puss generally does. Last, VERY seldom my anus will bleed when wiped (Almost like spotting, but I believe the bleeding is due to my part of trying to itch it though). I looked on the site for other signs, but none of them really occur other than the ones I specifically mentioned. Thanks in advance for any help you can provide (I won't bother reposting just to say thanks as I find that as a nuisance myself on forums I frequent).