About five months ago i begun experiencing a severe shift in consciousness. At first it felt like my perception of reality was fading away, then i realized it was actually my memories that were receding (including memories lasting seconds, which is why it felt like reality itself was receding since i cannot remember things very well after directly experiencing them, which is the same as not being able to experience them in the first place), as if something was pulling away my consciousness. All my life experiences have become fainter and fainter, and new experiences actually feel even more vague and distant, so that i feel as if my conscious mind was literally disappearing. There is no other way to describe this. It literally feels like there is this big black cloud where my memories and thoughts used to be, as if i was dying a bit every day instead then all at once.
The thing that has made a diagnosis extremely hard is that i can remember facts perfectly well. I could sit down and try to learn the rules of some game, or i could be reading a technical or medical article, and still remember the same amount of information i would have been able to memorize before the onset of those symptoms, yet, my memory of the experience is almost non existent. Because i can still remember facts however i can still act normal on the outside, which has made doctor dismiss my concerns as unimportant, particularly due the lack of physical anomalies. I had blood works done, thyroid tests (including ultra sound, but no anti-body test yet, just THS and free thyroid hormone), glucose tests, cortisol test and even an MRI, and so far nothing has showed up. The only physical symptom i experienced is that prior to the onset of my memory problems, my feet swell up on two occasions (this had never happened before), and apparently i gained 22 in a very short period of time (about six weeks), which i haven't been able to shed yet. This might indicate some problem with water retention, but i have no idea if those symptoms are just incidental. I also experienced a great deal of stress and anxiety for a long time and developed a panic disorder one year prior to when those problems begun, which makes my doctor glee in joy as they quickly try to dismiss my issues to some psychiatric disorder, which might even be true, but that's besides the point. Either way, i just cannot convey the gravity of my problems and doctors simply appear uninterested in trying to get to the bottom of this. And those symptoms get worst every day. Right now i am at a point where my memories are almost non existent, and i'm just in a constant state of panic. I feel as if this doesn't stop soon, i may eventually develop total retrograde and anterograde amnesia and spend the rest of my life in a near vegetative state, where only the present exists. I cannot think of a worst fate.
I'm sorry if this post appears to be rambling away, but i cannot think straight and i'm just at the point of desperation. BTW, i don't know if this may help, but i found that drinking Caffeine and taking St John Wort and Ginko Bilboa in tea form all aggravate my symptoms. I have no idea why this may be the case but i just thought it might help.
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