I know there are people out there who are suffering much more than I am, but I desperately want an answer for whatever is going on with me. None of the countless amount of doctors I've been to know what's going on with all my symptoms. So far I've been told that I have some form of mood disorder that is so strong that it's giving me bad physical problems, which means I've also got some type of somatoform disorder. Apparantly, I've got so much stress and emotional baggage inside of my head that it is tearing my body apart. I had no idea that stress could be THAT dangerous to your health. I have headaches, fevers, fluctuating weight, horrible tremors, twitches, dizziness, blurred or double vision when I get upset, confusion, lots of fatigue, disorientation, I've begun to stutter more often, I think I'm getting closer and closer to actually having ADD, numbness of random body parts, insomnia, chest pain, my throat will randomly close up and I can't breathe, extreme and sudden weakness where I can't hold things or my legs just can't hold me up anymore. The weirdest physical symptoms are the psychogenic seizures. I didn't know what that was until I started having them. I have one of two kinds: either I get really weak and limp and my head just kind of rolls back and forth and I can't think or talk. The other kind is I'll get really rigid and start contorting and my muscles are so tight that they are extremely sore afterwards. I can't walk after I have these seizures, nor can I think. This isn't good when I'm in class and I have one of these. I've also managed to give myself IBS and a hiatal hernia from "stressing out."
The mental symptoms don't hurt as much, but they are harder to deal with. I have (all in extremes) anxiety, depression, anger, emptiness, violent thoughts, panic attacks and manias (which aren't too extreme, but are still not good). I have had a few hallucinations, I get lost more often, I can't seem to put my words together anymore, I am very unstable, but I haven't snapped quite yet.
I have been trying to figure out what's been going on for a year, and throughout the course of this year, I have been tested for a lot of diseases. Since my severe physical symptoms started first, I was tested in this order: UTI, acid reflux disease, celiac sprue, stomach cancer, intestinal problems, epilepsy, brain damage, poor nutrition, thyroid problems, meningitis, generalized anxiety disorder, and most recently bipolar disorder. If I'm bipolar, I must be super fast rapid cycling because my moods change within a second, and it does this every single day. Because of this, I have offended friends and family, my family is scared of me sometimes even though I've never done anything violent. I really don't know what to do about all this. I'm on medication, a mood stabilizer, but it's not enough. It gets rid of my seizures, but that's about it. I'm going through therapy, but I don't feel like it's doing anything for me. And there are too many physical symptoms for it to only be bipolar disorder. There's gotta be something else, and no one seems to know the answer.
Anyone who is being run all over the place by doctors knows exactly how frustrating this is. I really really do not know what to do, but I need an answer sometime soon. One thing all of the doctors have said to me that I haven't told my family is that if I keep going the way I am going, I'm going to get sick, and never get better. As more time goes by, the worse the symptoms get, or new ones show up. I don't want to end up as a broken body in an asylum somewhere. I need help, and none of the docs kno what to do. And as far as stressing, I seriously am not trying to, I'll be laughing and having a great time and I suddenly get hit hard with symptoms. I am self destructing, and I don't know how to stop.
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