my doctor wants me to see a neurologist b4 , i see a ophtomologist. because my mom explained (half truth) that i see auras in my vision, but she should of went into more detail.
what im having is something so scary i have to emotionally detatch myself from it. basically instead of seeing, i see tiny colored dots, like snow vision but it's colored, like looking into an oil spill. and whats weird is it's like these colors SOMETIMES have their own dark shadow. like depending on what i'm looking at. its akin to looking at one of those visual puzzles where you stare at black lines and all of a sudden you start to see gray lines, like that but it changes depending on the light, the texture of what im seeing, and how dark it is. if its dark, i just see the oil spill dots and sploges. i might as well not even have eyes...it's so distracting i can't focus on converstations, driving, my thoughts even sleeping is hard because its there when i close my eyes.
the other thing is lights and bright objects have a glare, or like a halo around them. like im staring at my bottle of clonopin and the white cap has an afterimage that is about half it's width just floating above it. and the rest, is the colors, like my mind is trying to look at the molecules that compose it.:eek::eek:
it's incredibly scary, and has driven me to want to commit suicide in the past. but back then, everyone told me it was because of my mental illness (im a little bipolar, but i haven't met one with my problems) and was put on anti psychotics and things that made me worse. i already went to the neurologist before, but that's because i was spacing out. i space out when i focus on any object with my eyes because it seems unreal, so i just start day dreaming. thought i was having seizures, second time, NOPE your okay just take antidepressants:mad: well thats what they said.
it's kind of like being in a movie all the time, and psychiatry has a term called "derealization" that would work but i have it all the time, and im not borderline (personality) so that just doesn't work.
im curious as to what you people will say because no one i've talked to on any boards has had exactly my symptoms. This is VERY VERY scary and i've just plain woke up day after day crying because i feel insane, and nothing i see is real. it's just not worth even talking to my therapist about it anymore, but i still try to.
(btw im so desperate id be willing to pay the full price of seeing the ophtamologist. its that bad)
doctors ive seen in the past year:
blood test doctor
psychiatrist (6 years)
ear nose and throat doctor
dentist (to remove mercury fillings :confused:)
neurologist specializing in neurofeedback
sleep disorder clinic
Autism spectrum audiologist
yeah, im officially out of options.
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