I have been struggling with my problem for a while, and initially I thought I would be able to figure out, what is wrong with me by myself, but the more I research the more paranoid I get. I don't wish to be paranoid anymore, I want to know if anyone has an idea of what is wrong with me....if you might have a theory, don't hesitate please share...I would really like to know, what's going on and i'd like to be prepared...
I guess my problem started when I was maybe in third grade...or at least i can remember having this in third grade...maybe i had it before 3rd grade and I do not remember. a little background on my child hood....I did not have abusive parents, my father was/is a gambler and my parents fought because of this like crazy...until he decided to move away (work purposes) when i was 7...he visits us about 1-2 times a year...i'm in my mid twenties now.
As a child, I would tell myself stories before I'd go to sleep, but it's a different type of tell, it's more like i'd lay down in my bed, the lights would be off...(I shared a room with my brother)...and I would very secretly I didn't want to be heard, I would tell myself stories, and every story I played myself and I was always the hero or the damsel in distress, I always made myself important...I'd actually verbal play the role of every character, what a character would say to me and what I'd say back, and in my head I could actually visualize the scenery where it's taking place what everyone is wearing. At no point did I think I was actually living these lives that I'd pretend to be living....but my pretending never stopped it actually escalated....growing up I started to do this during the day after school...I'd go to my room lock the door turn on the music and walk up and down pretending to be a superhero have magical powers save the worlds, sometimes I could do this for hours, and once I ran out of where else to go with the story I would just change a different story...I'd get urges right after I'd watch a movie...usually my stories would be very similar to the movie that I saw...now I'm in mid twenties and I still continue to do this...when I'm back at my parents house i tend to have these urges more often...i know this isn't normal...what is it? I've tried stopping, I don't have to do it everyday, but a month later a week later I end up doing it...and it scares me cause I'm to addicted in pretending...at no point do I believe i'm actually in this reality, once I'm done pretending i'm done im back to me, once someone interrupts me im back reality...but i'm scared that this could be early signs of schizophrenia or dementia... can this be early signs of Alzheimer or Huntington's?
A little bit more about me, I'm a female, I can forget things easily (where I parked myy car, when I talked to a specific person last), I usually like to raise the volume to everything not sure if it's cause i don't hear well but people usually complain how I like the volume to be high, I tend to use my right side more than my left (I drive with my right hand, type with my right) I can use my left hand it's just not as fast and it is more difficult...maybe it is because I have always used my right hand therefore my left hand is not use to the speed of my right hand...I'm not anti social, I have friends, I am attractive so I don't really have physical appearance issues....it takes me forever to focus and do work though....like it can sometimes take me hours and hours maybe even a day to write one page of a research paper...I don't think it is because I can't do it it's cause I go blank or I procrastinate when it comes to doing it, but at the same time it scares me that it takes so long and I always wait last minute...I look at my other friends and they can do there work so quickly and it takes me so longgggg that again scares with thinking I have early symptoms of something, I stutter sometimes, and sometimes my mind goes blank where i can not think of the right words to say so i sometimes blurt out sentences that don't make sense and at that very moment I'm not able to either think of the write words or I don't know how to say what I want to say correctly...and lastly I have no sense of time...I'm always late and it's cause sometimes my 5 min is actually like 20 or 40 min...my friends say they love how I take me sweeet **s time with everything but in reality when I'm putting on my makeup I think I zone out or something...I don't know...oh and my brain sometimes (often) especially when I zone out feels heavy and congested like there is tons of air/pressure inside my brain that is causing me to zone out...my arms and my legs sometimes feel extremely heavy and weak (not all the time)....but for instance yesterday the entire day if my legs didn't feel weak and numb it was my arms they felt heavy and weak or just numb... I also am a night owl, but when I sleep I sleep for 14-16 hours sometimes, I can't get myself to wake up even if I want too...like i'll wake and I can't function my brain feels warm and congested and i'm pout of it so I go back to sleep and every time I try I just go back to sleep, I always have dreams that I can somewhat remember bits and pieces of...at one point I was starting to believe that my dreams were actually happening or warning me of something...I really don't want to be disillusion and i want to make sure that if I can stop what ever is happening I stop it...deep down I know this is not normal, but i want to ask can this be normal? Can the air pressure and congestion be from my sinus...i usually get headaches when my sinuses act up though. I want to ask my doc for an MRI of my brain to make sure I don't have any tumors or anything...but kaiser is a bit stingy on stuff like this, I don't know what I should ask my doc to check and how I should bring this up...I really don't want to tell my doc about my fantasy/pretend that I do....does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can have? Or how to approach my doc about doing an MRI scan?
I honestly am scared of ending up being stuck in my lil fantasy world one day...or I just get worse and worse and loose my sense of reality...
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