I have been to 15 different doctors trying to find an answer to why I am in so much pain. I am 29 I have been in a major car accident. My left femur was hanging out of my legg my right tibia was broken into a horse shoe. This all happend when I was 18 I have always always been a strong person. Pain use to be my friend so I thought. I use to think as long as I can feel pain it meens that I am still alive. But that is not the case any more. During all of that I only took pain meds when I had to I didnt want to build up a tollerance. When I first had my wreck a man told me to only take what I absolutely had to have. He had been in my shoes and he took everything they gave him and at the time he was 46 years old and there was no meds out there that would help him he was immune to everything. I never forgot what he told me and now I am in so much pain everyday that I dont know what to do I have put on this clown face for so many years that I am unable to go to a dr and truely express the pain that my body is in seems that I can hide it from everyone but myself. I pray almost everyday that god will call me home and that makes me so sad because I love life or atleast I use to. I dont have a suicide bone in my body but there are so many days that I wish that I did. A life spent in missery is no life at all. I would not wish my pain on anyone in this world but I do wish that every Dr that I have been too could feel my pain for but a moment and then have to look at me and tell me that it cant be that bad.
From the age of 13 I have been independent and now I am a burdin on the ones that I love the most. I use to be the one they all turned too. But now I dont even have there respect. In this world if a doctor gives you the cold shoulder seems that everyone else follows his lead. I have prayed to be diagnosed with cancer that might sound silly too all of you but atleast then I would have an answer to the endless pain I am in everyday and then maybe I would recieve something for my pain. Im not even sure that meds will even help me at this point.
I have had everything stripped from me at this point there is nothing about me that makes me a man. I can not stand on my own two feet and provide for even myself. I only wish I knew what I did in this life to have this affliction cast upon me. I have always done on to others better than has ever been done onto myself. I have alway prayed for the pain of the ones that I love to be put on my shoulders. If that is the case then please god give me a sighn so I can hold my head up high enough to look people in the eye. Because if this is my test to get into heaven I am afraid that I am about to fail!!!!!!!!!! To everyone out there that is in pain I pray for you from the bottom of my heart. Modern medicine saved me when I was just a young man. Now as a man it has all but cast me aside....
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