Discussions By Condition: I cannot get a diagnosis.

Mystery

Posted In: I cannot get a diagnosis. 8 Replies
  • Posted By: joanlee
  • March 27, 2009
  • 08:41 PM

Hello
I am very worried about my 32 year old daughter. Ever since her 2nd son was born 2 years ago, she has exhibited a major change in her personality. She used to be happy-go-lucky and capable, and now she is pathetically depressed, and unable to cope with life. She can't control her kids or anything around her. She can't get a project done. Right after her son was born, she thought she should be taking Lexapro like her friends do (??). This is what I think might be at the base of the problem. But since then, she has become an alcoholic, and also takes Xanax for anxiety. How can her doctors just shell out these drugs like candy? Her husband works in Chicago (we live in Idaho) Mon-Friday, so I know it's ******n her to have the kids (18 mos apart) all by herself, but this is ridiculous. She has been going to AA for the past month, but I'm not sold on the alcoholism theory. I'm afraid her kids will be taken from her if she doesn't become more responsible. Her father and I are terrified. Her in-laws are threatening to get custody of the kids. Does anyone have a clue as to what could cause a personality change like this? She is not our daughter these days.

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  • HelloI am very worried about my 32 year old daughter. Ever since her 2nd son was born 2 years ago, she has exhibited a major change in her personality. She used to be happy-go-lucky and capable, and now she is pathetically depressed, and unable to cope with life. She can't control her kids or anything around her. She can't get a project done. Right after her son was born, she thought she should be taking Lexapro like her friends do (??). This is what I think might be at the base of the problem. But since then, she has become an alcoholic, and also takes Xanax for anxiety. How can her doctors just shell out these drugs like candy? Her husband works in Chicago (we live in Idaho) Mon-Friday, so I know it's ******n her to have the kids (18 mos apart) all by herself, but this is ridiculous. She has been going to AA for the past month, but I'm not sold on the alcoholism theory. I'm afraid her kids will be taken from her if she doesn't become more responsible. Her father and I are terrified. Her in-laws are threatening to get custody of the kids. Does anyone have a clue as to what could cause a personality change like this? She is not our daughter these days.ummm, why do you not think it is depression. Sure sounds like depression to me. I wonder why she is not on a different drug if she is still suffering but there are time factors with anti-depressants.Is there a reason that you think it is not depression with alcoholism mixed in to self-medicate? Did you realize that the birth of a child is sometimes a trigger for depression. Could there possibly be another reason that she is depressed that may stem from something that happened when she was younger? Is there any history of not-rightedness (or sadness) in either yours or your husbands family? I'm just trying to figure out if this could be situational depression (something that might go away if the problem is dealt with) or depression that is more based in the persons anatomy.Connie
    sleepingbeauty 22 Replies Flag this Response
  • i agree with connie that it is depression.try handling kids in more gentle way. since the gap is not much and both are too young at times it so happen that kids when they do some kind f mischief our first reaction is to slap / beat them. this action seem right at that time but later one has a guilty feeling why should one resort to such action. this is the beginning of a vicious cycle. you are depressed because of guilty feeling. this leads to irritability and lack of concentration. which in turn affects your routine and official work making you further depress.more than any drug what i feel you need to look for the cause which is triggering this kind of cycle at your home and break the cycle. welcome everyday with a bright smile and say i will be fine today and see the difference.
    ashishkumarrastogi 14 Replies Flag this Response
  • HelloI am very worried about my 32 year old daughter. Ever since her 2nd son was born 2 years ago, she has exhibited a major change in her personality. She used to be happy-go-lucky and capable, and now she is pathetically depressed, and unable to cope with life. She can't control her kids or anything around her. She can't get a project done. Right after her son was born, she thought she should be taking Lexapro like her friends do (??). This is what I think might be at the base of the problem. But since then, she has become an alcoholic, and also takes Xanax for anxiety. How can her doctors just shell out these drugs like candy? Her husband works in Chicago (we live in Idaho) Mon-Friday, so I know it's ******n her to have the kids (18 mos apart) all by herself, but this is ridiculous. She has been going to AA for the past month, but I'm not sold on the alcoholism theory. I'm afraid her kids will be taken from her if she doesn't become more responsible. Her father and I are terrified. Her in-laws are threatening to get custody of the kids. Does anyone have a clue as to what could cause a personality change like this? She is not our daughter these days.Hi joanlee,First, my sympathies to both you and your daughter for the difficulty she's having. It's always frustrating to have a loved one suffering and to feel helpless to make things better.Many questions.....Has she been seen by either her Primary or GYN recently? She certainly should be under medical care. She needs initial diagnostics to rule-out any undiagnosed medical condition that could be the cause of her behavior change. For example, a thyroid panel would be valuable as hypothyroidism can develop at any time and often manifests with some of the signs/symptoms you describe.Did your daughter have a particular profession/occupation prior to motherhood?Has she ever exhibited a similar behavior change in the past? Does she have any significant personal or family medical/mental health/substance abuse history?Her youngest son would now be age two? Was this a planned pregnancy? Did she have any problems following the birth of her older son? Did her current signs/symptoms appear right after her youngest son's birth? Did they appear with their current severity or has the severity gradually increased? Has she ever expressed any ideas of self-harm?Am I correct in assuming that your daughter lives somewhere near you? Do you have contact with her on a daily basis? Is her husband at home at all during the Mon-Fri week? If not, does she have a support system...family, friends, etc...who give her an occasional hand with your grandsons? Do you feel that your grandsons are placed at risk of unintentional harm or neglect while in their your daughter's care?You said that she "used to be happy-go-lucky and capable". Does that imply a "normal" level of "happy-go-lucky" or has she ever been at an extreme end...giddy, flighty, talking a mile a minute?Regarding her alcohol use...Was she a social drinker in the past and has now moved to alcohol abuse? Was the onset of her increased drinking recent or did it start when the other symptoms started? There's often uncertainty regarding alcohol abuse/dependency...is the abuse/dependency a separate issue or...is it in reality either the cause...or the result...of depressive behavior. Does she voice positive things re: AA?The signs/symptoms your daughter is exhibiting strongly appear to point to depression, which could be of a prolonged postpartum nature, or possibly a clinical depression. In either case there is definitely treatment available that can benefit her greatly. I apologize for playing "twenty questions" but understanding the whole picture is very helpful. If there is anything of importance that you would prefer not to share in a public forum please feel free to drop me an email: jonmac391v@comcast.netBest regards,John
    JonMac 165 Replies Flag this Response
  • ummm, why do you not think it is depression. Sure sounds like depression to me. I wonder why she is not on a different drug if she is still suffering but there are time factors with anti-depressants. Is there a reason that you think it is not depression with alcoholism mixed in to self-medicate? Did you realize that the birth of a child is sometimes a trigger for depression. Could there possibly be another reason that she is depressed that may stem from something that happened when she was younger? Is there any history of not-rightedness (or sadness) in either yours or your husbands family? I'm just trying to figure out if this could be situational depression (something that might go away if the problem is dealt with) or depression that is more based in the persons anatomy. Connie If you read my post, I have said that she is depressed.
    joanlee 2 Replies Flag this Response
  • If you read my post, I have said that she is depressed.I must have misunderstood then. Some people say that someone is depressed but disagree with the diagnosis of depression. They want their loved ones to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and not rely on meds. You mentioned she is "taking Lexapro like her friends do" and "This is what I think might be at the base of the problem". Lexapro is an anti-depressant, which lines up with the depression that you agree she has...Does that mean that you think the doctor is giving her the wrong pills. Do you think that her alcoholism is as a direct result of the Lexapro. Honestly, I am not clear on what you are looking for. Are you looking for a physical reason why she is depressed or are you disagreeing with her doctors choice of meds?BlessingsConnie
    sleepingbeauty 22 Replies Flag this Response
  • Hi joanlee, First, my sympathies to both you and your daughter for the difficulty she's having. It's always frustrating to have a loved one suffering and to feel helpless to make things better. Many questions..... Has she been seen by either her Primary or GYN recently? She certainly should be under medical care. She needs initial diagnostics to rule-out any undiagnosed medical condition that could be the cause of her behavior change. For example, a thyroid panel would be valuable as hypothyroidism can develop at any time and often manifests with some of the signs/symptoms you describe. Did your daughter have a particular profession/occupation prior to motherhood? Has she ever exhibited a similar behavior change in the past? Does she have any significant personal or family medical/mental health/substance abuse history? Her youngest son would now be age two? Was this a planned pregnancy? Did she have any problems following the birth of her older son? Did her current signs/symptoms appear right after her youngest son's birth? Did they appear with their current severity or has the severity gradually increased? Has she ever expressed any ideas of self-harm? Am I correct in assuming that your daughter lives somewhere near you? Do you have contact with her on a daily basis? Is her husband at home at all during the Mon-Fri week? If not, does she have a support system...family, friends, etc...who give her an occasional hand with your grandsons? Do you feel that your grandsons are placed at risk of unintentional harm or neglect while in their your daughter's care? You said that she "used to be happy-go-lucky and capable". Does that imply a "normal" level of "happy-go-lucky" or has she ever been at an extreme end...giddy, flighty, talking a mile a minute? Regarding her alcohol use... Was she a social drinker in the past and has now moved to alcohol abuse? Was the onset of her increased drinking recent or did it start when the other symptoms started? There's often uncertainty regarding alcohol abuse/dependency...is the abuse/dependency a separate issue or...is it in reality either the cause...or the result...of depressive behavior. Does she voice positive things re: AA? The signs/symptoms your daughter is exhibiting strongly appear to point to depression, which could be of a prolonged postpartum nature, or possibly a clinical depression. In either case there is definitely treatment available that can benefit her greatly. I apologize for playing "twenty questions" but understanding the whole picture is very helpful. If there is anything of importance that you would prefer not to share in a public forum please feel free to drop me an email: jonmac391v@comcast.net Best regards,John Hi JohnThis is my first experience with wrongdiagnosis, so you may get this twice. THank you for your thoughts. I'm starting to suspect the Lexapro after reading about the suicidal side effects. I've never seen my daughter like this. ANd she started taking it right after her 2nd son was born, which is the perfect time frame. She has a wonderful group of friends that are very supportive, but no one can do anything because she won't help herself. We need to do something before it's too late.Joan
    joanlee 2 Replies Flag this Response
  • I am very worried about my 32 year old daughter. Ever since her 2nd son was born 2 years ago, she has exhibited a major change in her personality. She used to be happy-go-lucky and capable, and now she is pathetically depressed, and unable to cope with life. She can't control her kids or anything around her. She can't get a project done. Right after her son was born, she thought she should be taking Lexapro like her friends do (??). This is what I think might be at the base of the problem. But since then, she has become an alcoholic, and also takes Xanax for anxiety. How can her doctors just shell out these drugs like candy? Her husband works in Chicago (we live in Idaho) Mon-Friday, so I know it's ******n her to have the kids (18 mos apart) all by herself, but this is ridiculous. She has been going to AA for the past month, but I'm not sold on the alcoholism theory. I'm afraid her kids will be taken from her if she doesn't become more responsible. Her father and I are terrified. Her in-laws are threatening to get custody of the kids. Does anyone have a clue as to what could cause a personality change like this? She is not our daughter these days.Hello Joanlee,I think you are correct to be concerned. It does sound to me like she is depressed, a condition that can cause these personality changes. However, it also seems to me from your posts that all of her friends (read= support system) are also depressed, taking medication for such. While I have no problem with taking meds for depression......it's not the 'cure'. A real effort has to be made by the individual to get better-- to learn more helpful coping mechanisms. I went through a very long, major depression. I was also prescribed anti-depressants which had little to no effect on me in term of the depression (I just got the side effects!). I was also on xanax long-term. IMO, meds like xanax (benzodiazepines) should not be prescribed long-term. In me, the xanax actually exacerbated my symptoms and cause me to be physically dependent on a med. Throw alcohol or other street drugs into the mix.....I was lost with no way out. What helped me eventually was Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It saved my life and consequently the lives of my family. It's a very difficult place for you to be in.....she probably doesn't want your help. But you must get her to see what is happening and find somehow to help her. I do not think she can do this alone. I really feel for you and your daughter, as well as her children. Please don't give up-- this is a long battle in front of you. Best to you.
    Harmonium 322 Replies Flag this Response
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_psychosis
    Monsterlove 2921 Replies Flag this Response
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